Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Sample Response
It is an unfortunate reality of today's world that celebrities are cherished and celebrated, not for their achievements, but merely for their fame and wealth. Young people, in particular, viewYouth, in particular, views such material wealthworldly possessions of celebrities as the highest mark of human achievement. No wonder this trend has devastating effects on the younger generation. This influence can be examined by consideringTo prove this, one has to analyse how youth perceives celebrities' success in general and the fact that many of them do not presentmany amongst them don't pose a constructive examplethe right kind of image for youth to look up to. Firstly, very few young people realise that all the fame and glory that the celebrities get to enjoy is never achieved overnight; rather, it isis never achieved overnight, rather it is the result of sustained effortall blood, sweat and tears. It takes years and years of struggle to get to that point, which many youngsters choose not to go through, and instead lookrather, they look for shortcuts totowards success. DeleteThus, as a result, they are overcome with procrastination and laziness, which is a direct consequence of idealising the materialistic wealth of their idolspossessions of their ideals. Secondly, one should consider the fact that a number of superstars in the entertainment business have poor reputations and should not be admiredare infamous who should not be looked up to in any way. For instance, musicians who use explicit or harmful lyrical themesextremely obscure lyrical themes in their music, or the celebrities who publicly glorify violence or reckless behaviouractors working in biographical movies dedicated to serial killers etc. These instances show that when young people veneratewhen youth venerates such forms of entertainment, they are somehow led to believe that they can also become as famous and successful merely by imitating their celebrity idolstheir so-called ideals. Hence, the negative influence of such a trend is obvious. Having analysed how glorifying the rich people, not for their hard-earned achievements, but merely for their worldly possessions, can affect youth's perception of success, this tendency can clearlyit is proven that this tendency does set a bad example. It is highly recommended that youth should be encouraged to realise that a man's worth should not be judged by his possessions, rather by the journey he goes through to achieve those possessions.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The essay maintains a clear position and offers a coherent explanation of how celebrity culture may distort young people’s ideas about success. Its main weakness is that the second argument relies on questionable examples and sometimes confuses celebrities, entertainment content, and role models, so the causal reasoning is not always convincing. Use specific, plausible examples and explain each influence step by step.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear agreement position is sustained and both main ideas are relevant, but the second idea is insufficiently convincing and some claims are overgeneralised.
Use one concrete celebrity example for each body paragraph and explicitly connect glamour-focused fame to a resulting behaviour in young people.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument progresses logically with clear paragraph functions and effective signalling, although some sentences are overloaded and a few links are mechanical.
Use shorter topic-to-example chains and reduce formulaic phrases such as To prove this and Having analysed.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a wide range with generally clear meaning, but several collocations are inaccurate or overly dramatic.
Prefer precise terms such as present a positive image, role models, material wealth, and explicit lyrics.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are frequent and mostly well controlled, with occasional agreement, comma-splice, article, and relative-clause problems.
Proofread collective nouns, relative clauses, and sentences joined by rather to prevent run-ons.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.