Some people feel that entertainers (e.g. film stars, pop musicians or sports stars) are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of jobs should be highly paid?
Sample Response
In the past, the field of entertainment was not developed and hence, people from this field were paid very less. However, with the advancement of technologyimprovement in the technology, the incomes of celebritiesincome of the celebrities increased substantiallyincreased to a greater extent. I personally believe that these people are earning excessive amounts of moneygaining money in excess. In this essay, we will analyse the reasons for this and also discuss the professions that deserve such high incomesprofessions which deserve such high income. To begin with, celebrities such as actors, musicians and sports person are been paid based upon their fame among the people. A good illustration offor this is the Bollywood actor Shahrukh Khan who is said to be charging money in crores for signing a single film. In other words, he is beingbeen paid such a huge amount in the expectation that the film will be successfuljust with the hope that film will run successfully. HoweverBut, it is also true that society would not be harmedthe society will not be harmed even in the absence of such films and actors. Instead, I feel that people working in professionspeople working in the industry that promote society's well-beingwith the aim of the well-being of the society should be offered such pay. For instance, doctors and security personneldoctors or security personnel’s should be paid a good salarypaid good amount because they always help the people of the country by protecting them. Moreover, they invest a lot of money and the time for obtaining their degrees and once they receive the degree, they oath to be available for the people at any time of the day. Hence, it is apparent that jobs that focus on safeguarding the people should be highlyheavily paid. In conclusion, it is seen that paying huge amounts to the famous personalities is equivalent to wasting the resources which can be utilised in a better way. Instead, these funds should be allocatedthis amount should be paid to the people in life-saving professions such as doctors or police officers. It is thus hoped that the government will regulategovernment will regulate the salaries of the people based upon their importance and role in societytheir important and role played in the society.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The essay answers both questions directly, arguing that celebrity pay is excessive and that doctors and security professionals deserve higher remuneration because of their social value. Its main strengths are a consistent position and relevant occupational examples, but the reasoning is sometimes simplistic, the response lacks paragraphing, and frequent grammatical and collocational errors reduce precision. The priority is to organise the two questions separately and develop a fairer comparison of responsibility, skill, and public benefit.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both parts are addressed with a clear opinion and relevant examples, but the justification for pay levels is broad and sometimes assumes entertainment has little social value.
Compare entertainers and essential workers using explicit criteria such as training, risk, responsibility, scarcity, and contribution to society.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response moves logically from celebrity pay to better-paid professions and a conclusion, but the entire essay is one paragraph and transitions are formulaic.
Use separate paragraphs for the judgement on entertainers, the case for essential workers, and the final comparative conclusion.
Lexical Resource
There is adequate vocabulary for entertainment, income, and public-service professions, but recurring inaccurate collocations and word forms limit naturalness.
Use precise phrases such as 'earn excessive salaries', 'command a high fee', 'essential workers', and 'social importance'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied structures, but frequent errors in passive forms, articles, agreement, plurals, and possessives weaken grammatical control.
Correct passive constructions such as 'are paid' and check articles, plural nouns, and possessive forms during proofreading.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people feel that entertainers (e.g. film stars, pop musicians or sports stars) are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of jobs should be highly paid?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.