Some people feel that entertainers (e.g. film stars, pop musicians or sports stars) are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of jobs should be highly paid?
Sample Response
There is no denying that entertainers like film actors, pop musicians and sports stars are paid too much money. I strongly agreeI really do agree with this statement. However, some people think there aresome people think, there are several jobs that should be highly paid as well. In this essay, before presenting my point of view, Ipoint of view I would like to discuss the job culture.
Nowadays there is news about the celebrities who are earning more money through their professions such as actingprofession like acting, singing, dancing and sports etc. Someetc. some of the celebrities such as athletescelebrities like sportsmen and actors earn extra moneyare earning extra money through advertisementsadvertising and becoming brand ambassadors for particular brandsbrand ambassadors of the particular brand. There is no differenceThere is no any difference in work such as sweepingwork like sweeping, machining, teaching and medicineand in medicine, every job requires effortevery work required effort and people work to earn a livingthe reason for earning money for the sake of survival.
A person becomes an actor because he likes that profession the same way singer, doctor, designer and scientist. But some people are unable to obtain a proper educationunfortunate to get a proper education or because of laziness or because of a lack of opportunitiesbecause of lack of scope they sacrifice their dreams and dothey sacrifice their dream and doing some different work which society considerswhich society considers it as a low-level work.I think no work is small or big, every work requires effort and passion. We should respect one another and we should practice equality. My mother always says us “Big or small, there is no such kind of difference and it is only made by us”.
In conclusion, I do not think any work is big or small, it is the difference created by us and I think now the time has come to stop differentiating people through their work and everybody should be paid equally for their work.
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response clearly states that entertainers are overpaid and conveys a humane principle that all work deserves respect. However, it gives little explanation of why entertainers' pay is excessive and does not clearly identify and justify particular other jobs that should be highly paid; the highest-priority improvement is to answer both questions directly with separate, developed arguments supported by specific reasons and examples.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A position on entertainers' pay is stated, but it is barely developed, while the call for equal pay does not adequately answer which other jobs should be highly paid.
Select two specific occupations, justify their higher pay, and separately explain why entertainers' earnings are disproportionate.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing is visible and the central theme of equality recurs, but progression is loose and several sentences combine unrelated points.
Use a separate body paragraph for each task question and arrange every paragraph from claim to reason to example.
Lexical Resource
There is enough vocabulary to discuss occupations and social equality, but repetition, imprecise expressions, and faulty word combinations are frequent.
Build precise vocabulary for remuneration, responsibility, training, and social contribution, and avoid vague phrases such as job culture.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Some longer structures are attempted, but frequent agreement, tense, article, punctuation, and sentence-boundary errors reduce accuracy and clarity.
Write shorter complete sentences first, checking the subject and finite verb before joining ideas with conjunctions.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people feel that entertainers (e.g. film stars, pop musicians or sports stars) are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of jobs should be highly paid?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.