We cannot help everyone in the world that needs help, so we should only be concerned with our own communities and countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Sample Response
Since man began to think seriously about making life more pleasant, international responsibility has become an important issuediscrimination became an integral and indispensable part of our quest for joy and happiness. Some people stand firmly on the belief that they should only carethey should be only caring about their own communities and countries becausefor helping everyone in the world is not possible while there is a considerable number of individuals who tend to think that all countries and communities should be taken into account. As far as I am concerned, we should help each other no matter how far our communities are. The reasons for this view are explained belowThe following lines shed more light on the reasons for my preference.
One reason is that in this technological era, all nations and countries are closely connected to each othercountries are related to each other closely. Therefore, if nations do not support each other, they cannot survive. For example, undoubtedlywithout a shadow of doubt economic trends in one country influenceinfluences all other countries or at least a great number of other ones. In 2010, the inflation in the USA had a negative effect on developing countries in the Middle EastMiddle-East immediately. However, it took some time to feel the same effect in Europe. This shows that international problems spread across bordersThe point here is that numerous countries encountered this issue at last but not at the same time.
One other reason is that we are all human beings and it is not ethical just to think of ourselves. HumanityHuman has experienced a great deal of bright days and some horrible days in history. These horrible periodsThe latter was mainly Deletebecause of the discrimination and not practising human rights. The most recent one was the Second World War which happened for the same reasons. Hence, not helping one another can lead to a new war and its consequences.
Last but not least, by helping other nations, a country can develop itselfhelping other nations, one nation can develop itself. Now, many advanced countries are trying to help some other developing nations. As an example, Australia is trying to help educate some African countries by funding their youth to study inat Australia and then allowing them to go back to develop their own countries. As a result, Australia is known worldwide and has built a positive reputationmade an appropriate appearance even among developed countries.
Finally, being closely related, avoiding any tensions in the world by putting ethics into practice and developing your own country by helping other nations are the three main points to be indicated when thinking of the reasons to help other nations. If all communities consider the mentioned points, hopefully, the world will not see any new wars and will becomethe world will not see any new wars and becomes a better place for sure.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response presents a clear position and supports it with several relevant reasons for helping beyond national borders, giving the essay a purposeful overall direction. Its impact is reduced by a loosely connected opening, broad or overstated examples, and wordy sentences with recurring language errors; the highest priority is to make each paragraph answer the question directly, using concise academic wording and better-controlled sentence structures.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay gives a clear disagreement and develops several reasons for helping beyond national borders. The ideas are relevant, although some examples are broad and the opening discussion of discrimination is not well connected to the question.
Start with the exact issue of global responsibility and make each reason directly answer why help should extend beyond local communities.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a logical introduction, three body reasons, and a conclusion. Progression is generally clear, but some links are wordy and several sentences over-explain before reaching the point.
Use shorter topic sentences and make the first sentence of each body paragraph state the main reason directly.
Lexical Resource
There is a reasonably wide vocabulary range, including ethical, human rights, consequences, developing nations, and worldwide. Some phrases are unnatural, over-formal, or imprecise.
Replace memorised phrases with direct academic wording and avoid expressions that sound dramatic but add little meaning.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentences are attempted frequently, but errors with word form, subject-verb agreement, articles, and clause structure occur throughout. Meaning remains mostly clear.
Edit long sentences by splitting them into two shorter sentences when the grammar becomes overloaded.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
We cannot help everyone in the world that needs help, so we should only be concerned with our own communities and countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.