Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
Some people believe that nowadays, people are more dependent on others for many things and some other people believe it is not and people are more independent in today’s modern world. Let's discuss both views. My personal view is people are independent and dependent according to the situation.
In the modern world, people depend on each other for some matters. Firstly, as the lifestyle is very busy with works people have to depend on others, Parents have to depend on servants or daycare centres because parents have to take care of their kids and while they are working they cannot be independent. Secondly, we rely on others in situations such as preparing foods, car washing, repairing of equipment etc. Because we cannot arrange times to do those necessary works though we have the ability to do so, in a way we are more dependent on others. Thirdly, people still depend on public transport rather than using their own vehicles.
However, from another point of view, as people are using their own vehicles rather than using public transport in many cases, we can infer that they are independent. Also, we are not dependent on others as we had been in the past in sending the mail through postmen's, we are just sending emails. Moreover, people in today’s world, doing many things using credit cards rather than depending on other people. Finally, people are not relying on others in the modern world on sports. Even though there are sports trainers, we are using equipment for physical training.
To sum up, I believe our dependence and independence are always based on the situation & matters we get in today world. As an example, I also looking for help from my friends in educational things and sometimes I do not expecting help since I could surf the web. As people, we have to keep on this with a great balance.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Unclear clause Original: some other people believe it is not Suggested revision: other people believe this is not true Why it matters: The original clause is incomplete and unclear.
- 2. Word order Original: people are independent and dependent according to the situation Suggested revision: people are both independent and dependent depending on the situation Why it matters: This phrasing is clearer and more balanced.
- 3. Natural phrase Original: for some matters Suggested revision: in some areas of life Why it matters: This is more natural and specific.
- 4. Uncountable noun Original: works Suggested revision: work Why it matters: Work is uncountable in this meaning.
- 5. Comma splice Original: others, Parents Suggested revision: others. Parents Why it matters: These are separate sentences and should not be joined by a comma.
- 6. Natural phrase Original: foods Suggested revision: food Why it matters: Food is normally uncountable when speaking generally.
- 7. Wrong noun Original: arrange times Suggested revision: find time Why it matters: Find time is the natural phrase.
- 8. Tense choice Original: as people are using their own vehicles Suggested revision: because many people use their own vehicles Why it matters: Simple present is better for a general claim.
- 9. Tense form Original: as we had been in the past Suggested revision: as we were in the past Why it matters: Simple past is enough for this comparison.
- 10. Plural form Original: postmen's Suggested revision: postmen Why it matters: The possessive form is not needed.
- 11. Missing verb Original: people in today’s world, doing many things Suggested revision: people in today's world do many things Why it matters: The clause needs a finite verb.
- 12. Missing auxiliary Original: looking Suggested revision: look Why it matters: Use simple present or add am if using the continuous form.
Suggested Rewrites
- some other people believe it is not other people believe this is not true
- people are independent and dependent according to the situation people are both independent and dependent depending on the situation
- for some matters in some areas of life
- works work
- others, Parents others. Parents
- foods food
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response's clearest strength is its balanced structure: it addresses both perspectives, offers relevant everyday examples, and maintains a consistent situational opinion. However, the argument remains list-like and only lightly developed, while frequent grammatical errors and imprecise wording weaken clarity; prioritize selecting fewer, stronger examples, explaining how each supports the position, and editing long sentences for accurate verb forms and punctuation.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay discusses both dependence and independence and gives an opinion that people are both depending on the situation. It includes relevant examples, but several examples are superficial or questionable, and the final position is not developed deeply.
Explain dependence through modern services and global systems, independence through technology and personal choice, then clearly state which view is stronger.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is a clear paragraph structure for both views and a conclusion. However, cohesion is weakened by list-like sequencing, comma splices, and examples that do not always connect smoothly to the argument.
Use fewer examples in each paragraph and explain each one in two or three sentences instead of listing many small points.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate but often repetitive and imprecise, especially dependent, independent, matters, things, and works. Some collocations are unnatural, such as preparing foods, arranging times, and educational things.
Use more precise phrases: rely on services, outsource daily tasks, digital communication, self-sufficient, public infrastructure, and personal autonomy.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning is generally understandable, but errors in articles, plurals, tense, punctuation, and verb patterns occur frequently. Several sentences are run-ons.
Break long sentences at natural points and check verb forms after people, parents, we, and I.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.