Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
It has always been the case that in certain ways our lives are intertwined with the lives of others. However, in the modern era, some people believe that dependency between people has increased, whereas others believe that people have grown to be more independent.
One reason that people think we are more dependent on each other is because of our reliance on others to provide a positive image of ourselves. People are bombarded these days with pictures of beautiful models and people who seem to have perfect lives. Many people therefore feel the need to go on social media, such as Facebook and Instagram, in order to post pictures and they need others to get as many ‘likes’ as possible. In addition to this, because of the hectic and busy lives some families lead, it is argued they are dependent on others to support them, such as with grandparents helping to take care of their grandchildren because the parents don't have time.
However, despite this, overall I believe that people are generally more independent. This can be seen in the way that so many people live away from their families and lead their own lives. For example, families used to live nearby to each other, but nowadays people often reside in different cities to their parents and siblings or in other countries, seeing each other only rarely in some cases. Not only this, people prefer more privacy than in the past and do not require help from others, seen in the way that neighbours these days often do not know each other or interact at all.
In conclusion, although in certain ways people are more dependent, it is generally the case that people now live more independent lives. Only over time will it be revealed as to whether this is a positive or negative development for society.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise phrasing Original: grown to be more independent Suggested revision: become more independent Why it matters: The simpler verb expresses the change more directly.
- 2. Remove redundancy Original: hectic and busy Suggested revision: hectic Why it matters: “Hectic” already conveys being extremely busy.
- 3. Add reporting conjunction Original: it is argued they are dependent Suggested revision: it is argued that they are dependent Why it matters: “That” clearly introduces the reported clause in this formal sentence.
- 4. Improve example phrasing Original: such as with grandparents helping Suggested revision: with grandparents, for example, helping Why it matters: This structure integrates the example smoothly into the preceding clause.
- 5. Streamline transition Original: However, despite this, overall Suggested revision: Overall, Why it matters: One transition is sufficient to mark the move to the writer’s main view.
- 6. Correct preposition Original: nearby to each other Suggested revision: near each other Why it matters: “Near” takes a direct object and does not require “to” here.
- 7. Correct comparison structure Original: different cities to their parents and siblings Suggested revision: cities different from those of their parents and siblings Why it matters: “Different from” and the substitute noun “those” make the comparison grammatical.
- 8. Use complete transition Original: Not only this Suggested revision: Furthermore Why it matters: The original correlative opener has no matching “but also” construction.
- 9. Clarify illustration Original: seen in the way that neighbours Suggested revision: as shown by the fact that neighbours Why it matters: This phrase connects the claim to its illustration more clearly.
- 10. Use natural phrasing Original: revealed as to whether Suggested revision: become clear whether Why it matters: The revision removes an awkward and unnecessarily indirect construction.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: One reason that people think we are more dependent on each other is because of our reliance on others to provide a positive image of ourselves. Suggested revision: One reason people think we are more dependent on each other is our reliance on others to validate the positive image we present. Why it matters: The rewrite removes the redundant “reason … because” structure and clarifies the role of others.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: Many people therefore feel the need to go on social media, such as Facebook and Instagram, in order to post pictures and they need others to get as many ‘likes’ as possible. Suggested revision: Many people therefore feel the need to post pictures on social media platforms such as Facebook and Instagram and seek as many ‘likes’ from others as possible. Why it matters: The rewrite coordinates the two actions clearly and removes repetition.
Suggested Rewrites
- grown to be more independent become more independent
- hectic and busy hectic
- it is argued they are dependent it is argued that they are dependent
- such as with grandparents helping with grandparents, for example, helping
- However, despite this, overall Overall,
- nearby to each other near each other
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response addresses both views directly, states a clear preference, and develops each side through relevant contemporary examples in a fluent, well-controlled structure. Its main limitation is that a few supporting claims, particularly the link between social-media approval and interpersonal dependence, could be analysed more precisely. The highest-priority improvement is to make that causal reasoning more explicit while preserving the essay’s concise progression and strong language control.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are directly addressed, the writer’s opinion is clear, and the main ideas are relevant and well supported.
Explain more precisely how seeking approval through social media demonstrates dependence on other people rather than merely frequent platform use.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically, with effective paragraphing and cohesive links that make the contrast between the two views easy to follow.
Strengthen the transition between examples within the first body paragraph so their shared relevance to dependence is even clearer.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied, precise, and natural overall, with flexible language for social relationships and modern lifestyles.
Refine occasional awkward combinations such as descriptions of where relatives live to achieve consistently idiomatic phrasing.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used accurately and flexibly, with only minor lapses that do not impede meaning.
Polish the few compressed constructions by making their grammatical relationships fully explicit while retaining the present variety.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.