Some people say that time and money spent on music classes in schools are not necessary. Instead, children should be learning useful subjects such as science and computers. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your own opinion and include relevant examples.
Sample Response
In today’s modern world, parents are enrolling their children insending their children to attend a variety of classes including music, science, and computing classesincluding music, science and computer classes. Among these three classes, some people assert that more time should be allocated tomore time should be allocated to join the science and computer classes instead of music classes, a view with which I strongly agreeinstead of music class which I strongly agree.
In these times of austerity, children are facing academic difficultiesproblems in their academic and it is one of the reasons why children are advisedadvisable to learn useful subjects such as sciencea more useful subject like science. Learning science subjects enablesenable children to think from different perspectives and hence they may become more knowledgeable. It is proven that when children who learn science can actually deal with difficulties than any other students using scientific theories they learnt in school. Besides, learning science is a stepping stone towards achievingthe stepping stone to achieve a higher goal. It is particularly importantIt is considerably significant for children who want to be doctors or scientistsa doctor or scientist and they are the ones who are more likelywho more likely to contribute more to society than musicianscontribute more than a musician to the societies.
On the other hand, studying computing rather than musiclearning computers rather than music benefits children more both in their academic performance and their future career as well. It is undeniable that computers play an indispensable rolecomputer plays an indispensable role in every field around the globe at present. Many of the companies these days, thus, sponsor their employees to join the basic computer classes so that they can handle most of the tasks in their workplace. In the days to come, the employers may expect every intervieweeinterviewer to master this skill givenfollowing the continual development of technology. Hence, it is crucial for every child nowadays to learn computers so that are familiar with the function of computers and becomes computer-literate.
In conclusion, learning more important subjects like science and computers are more beneficial in comparison to music as they will help the children to become successful and brings glories to our nation.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The essay maintains a clear agreement and organises its case around the perceived academic and career value of science and computer education. Its main weakness is limited support: several claims are asserted rather than demonstrated, and the workplace example does not directly show why school music should receive less time or money. Prioritise a concrete comparison of educational outcomes and acknowledge music's possible benefits before rejecting its priority.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is supported by relevant reasons concerning science and computing, but examples are indirect and the case against prioritising music remains underdeveloped.
Compare one specific benefit of music with a stronger educational benefit of science or computing, then explain why resources should favour the latter.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction, two body paragraphs, and conclusion create clear progression, though 'On the other hand' incorrectly signals opposition between two supporting points.
Use additive linking for the computing paragraph and make each paragraph end with an explicit connection to school resource allocation.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate for education, technology, and careers, but several awkward or inaccurate expressions reduce precision.
Use natural phrases such as 'academic difficulties', 'are advised to study', 'prospective employee', and 'benefit society'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of sentence forms is attempted, but frequent agreement, article, pronoun, and comparative errors weaken accuracy.
Proofread every clause for a stated subject and matching verb, especially sentences beginning with 'Learning science' and 'so that'.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people say that time and money spent on music classes in schools are not necessary. Instead, children should be learning useful subjects such as science and computers. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your own opinion and include relevant examples.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.