In many countries, schools have severe problems with student behaviour. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?
Sample Response
Students spend the majority of their timemajority of their times in schools and it has been proved that school hasit has proved that school has an undeniable effect on making and developing students' characterstudent’s character. As schools are considered as the second home of students, they are struggling with many issueslots of issues related to students’ behaviors. So, this essay has tried to cover some of the sourcessome of sources related to students’ behaviors and also will suggest some effectiveimpressive approaches to schools to control and eradicate bad behaviors of students.
Firstly, it is very important to find all of the aspects which have deep effects on a student'sstudent mind. As a student is at a young age, home environment, friends and TV programs can affect his character and encourage him to adopt particular behavioursencourage him to some particular behaviors. In fact, the way that parents interact with each other, directly defines moral and unethical matters for students. For example, a student learns from parents how to behave in a society including how to respect laws or how to be rebellious. OnIn the other hand, students always are interested in imitatingintimating their friends as they spend majority of their times with them. Also TV programs have a strong effect on students’ character and in most of cases students make their appearances and develop their behaviors in ways similar to some popular actorsas similar as some popular actors. Therefore, schools are always the first places that facethe first place which face to mention problems and try to tackle those behavioural problemstackle with those bad behaviors which have come to existence in students.
Secondly, schools should implement some ways together to investigate students’ behaviors. For example, they should develop several meetings with students’ parents to recognize the reason for conflicts. Or as most of students find their friends in the school environment, teachers should monitor the way of interactions between students or encourage them to find good friends by creating small supportive groupsmaking some small suitable communities in the schools. Ultimately, teachers should spend time to find that which TV programs are on students' favourite listsin student’s favorite lists and try to show them ethical aspects of those programs and by this way open a clear horizon for them to separate good thing from bad ones.
I think, therefore, schools have a critical role to teach moral things to students and they should arrange some more courses related to behavior matters alongside academic educationbeside the education. However, schools are so alone on this way in most of countries and they should be helped by societies and families as one hand can’t carry a watermelon without helping another hand.
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response stays relevant and covers both the causes of poor student behaviour and possible school-based solutions, with a recognisable overall structure. However, the ideas are often broad or repetitive, and long error-prone sentences with unnatural wording make several links difficult to follow. The highest-priority improvement is to organise the essay around two clearly explained causes and matching solutions, using shorter sentences and more precise school-behaviour vocabulary.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay addresses both causes and solutions and remains mostly relevant to student behaviour. However, causes are broad, some solutions are only loosely practical, and development is often repetitive rather than analytical.
Choose two main causes and two matching solutions, then explain how each solution directly reduces a specific behaviour problem.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is a recognisable introduction, causes paragraph, solutions paragraph, and conclusion. Progression is weakened by long sentences, repeated general statements, and some unclear links between home, friends, TV, and school action.
Use clearer topic sentences and shorter cause-effect chains within each paragraph.
Lexical Resource
The essay uses topic vocabulary such as behaviours, parents, teachers, and moral matters, but word choice is often inaccurate or unnatural. Phrases such as intimate their friends, face to mention problems, and bad behaviors of students reduce clarity.
Use precise school-behaviour vocabulary: imitate peers, behavioural problems, misconduct, intervention, guidance, and parental involvement.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Frequent article, preposition, agreement, and sentence-structure errors affect fluency. Meaning is usually recoverable, but errors are regular across almost every paragraph.
Write shorter sentences and check each clause for subject-verb agreement, articles, and correct prepositions.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In many countries, schools have severe problems with student behaviour. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.