The bar chart below shows the results of a survey conducted by a personnel department at a major company. The survey was carried out on two groups of workers: those aged from 18-30 and those aged 45-60, and shows factors affecting their work performance.
Sample Response
The bar chartThe given graph presents information on a range of factorsa variety of reasons that affecttend to impact job performance and it comparesit is divided by differentiating between two age groups, 18–30 and 45–60two age categories of 18-30 years and 45-60 years. The survey datadata sample wereis collected from thea personnel department at a majorbig company.
Firstly, the graph shows that 90% value personal development between the age ranges of 18-30; followed by comfortable work environment and promotional prospects at an 80%. By contrast,Secondly, workers aged 45–60the age range of 45- 60 are motivated by moneymonetary aspects as 70% of the older groupthe mentioned age group identified money as affecting their performanceseem to perform better in this category. Thereafter, the particular age group values team spirit as 60% of the age range is provided in the graph chose this category after money. However, though each group varied on their factors affecting their work performance, both age groups were highly motivated and at par by team spirit (60%) and Money (70%- 74%).
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response is strongest when it identifies several prominent figures for the younger group and recognises two factors that affect both age groups similarly. Its coverage is nevertheless narrow and the concluding comparison is unclear, so the chart's broader contrast—especially the older group's relatively greater emphasis on competent management and colleagues—is missing. Prioritise a clear overview of the main age-related patterns, then support it with accurate, well-grouped comparisons.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response reports a few prominent figures accurately but lacks a clear overall pattern and omits many meaningful contrasts between the age groups.
State that younger workers generally value development, promotion and relaxed conditions more, then contrast this with the older group's slightly higher figures for competent management and colleague respect.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and body follow a recognisable order, although mechanical sequencing and unclear references weaken cohesion within the body paragraph.
Group the details by the strongest age differences and the closest similarities, using direct comparative sentences instead of a chain of sequencing expressions.
Lexical Resource
The response uses some appropriate topic vocabulary and less common expressions, but several collocations and percentage phrases are imprecise or awkward.
Use exact chart labels and controlled comparison phrases such as 'the figure for' and 'compared with' to improve lexical precision.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mixture of sentence forms is attempted, but recurring agreement, clause-structure and article errors make some comparisons difficult to follow.
Build each comparison around a clear subject and verb, and check agreement when referring to an age group or percentage.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The bar chart below shows the results of a survey conducted by a personnel department at a major company. The survey was carried out on two groups of workers: those aged from 18-30 and those aged 45-60, and shows factors affecting their work performance.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.