The Graph shows the information on smoking frequently seen among athletes of Parkview secondary school.
Sample Response
The twoyielded two pie charts showdemonstrate 15-year-old15 years old athletes’ smoking frequencyathletes smoking habits frequently at Parkview Secondary Schoolthe Parkview secondary school.
Overall, we can clearly see that non-smokers proportion is higher in boys group than girls additionally, the least percentage is never smoking in both groups.
For boysBoys, 17% of students smoke every dayhave an everyday smoking habit whilewhereas, with the highest percentage, 71% of pupils never smokeavoid smoking or never smoke. Furthermore, not every day but once a week and less than once a week learners proportion is 5% and 7% respectively.
For girlsGirls, just over one fifthjust above one in the fifth percentile of female learners smoke every dayare smoking regularly or every single day. Never smoker percentage is also higher than others, although it is only 2% less than boys; however, for once a week but not every day, the smoking habit proportion was identical to boys. Moreover, female athletesa female who smokesmoked less than once a week account for 6%has 6%.
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response covers both charts and accurately reports almost all percentages, with clear separation of boys’ and girls’ data. However, the overview wrongly says that never smoking is the smallest category, contradicting the charts and the later details, while frequent awkward phrasing weakens precision. The highest priority is to correct the overview and use cleaner comparative sentence structures.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
Most percentages and gender comparisons are accurate, but the overview incorrectly identifies never smoking as the smallest category despite it being dominant.
State accurately that never smoking is by far the largest category for both groups and that weekly smoking is the smallest.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is organized into an overview and separate paragraphs for boys and girls, but some run-on linking and mechanical sequencing reduce cohesion.
Use one focused comparison per sentence and link the two groups directly instead of describing them in largely separate lists.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary covers the topic and proportions adequately, though awkward phrases such as yielded two pie charts and one in the fifth percentile reduce precision.
Use natural expressions such as the charts illustrate, just over one fifth, and the proportion of non-smokers.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning remains generally clear, but frequent errors with possessives, articles, plurals, agreement, and punctuation occur throughout the response.
Practise noun phrases for proportions and check that each sentence has controlled punctuation and a grammatically complete main clause.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The Graph shows the information on smoking frequently seen among athletes of Parkview secondary school.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.