Some people say that time and money spent on music classes in schools are not necessary. Instead, children should be learning useful subjects such as science and computers. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your own opinion and include relevant examples.
Sample Response
It is true that some education systems have different curriculadifferent outlines for teaching. Some believe that governments should pay more attention togovernments are better to pay attention to music lessons; however, others, myself included, agree that science subjectsscientific courses could be more valuable. On the one hand, some individuals agree that music lessons taught in schools can assist pupils to become more creative. In this way, music college graduatesthose who are graduated from a music college will be able to outperform other applicants for a university dentistry coursesurpass other rivals applied for the dental course in university. The reason forbeyond this is that this group will be more successfulprosperous in practical lessons, which are commonlynumerously taught at dental schoolsin the dental universities. In addition, they will perform better in manual tasksachieve more in some manual tasks. Had a normal student learned piano in childhood, he or she would have had better control of their handsa better control on their hands than other studentsthan the normal ones, helping them to react faster. As a result, this group of students will develop greater practical creativitybecome more creative practically. On the other hand, learning technical subjects can be more beneficial to students, and I believe that its advantages outweigh the benefits gained from music lessons. In this case, they can defeat other competitors because they have stronger scientific backgrounds before entering universitythey higher scientific backgrounds learned before entering the university. Being familiar with computer software, students will be able to understand more deeply the related materialdetails taught at universityin the university. Besides, medical students will gain a stronger conceptual understandingdoctors will have more conceptual learning when they have learnedwhen they were having learned the basics of medicinebasics of medicine. Personally, if I had not had sufficient knowledge about human physiology learnt in high school, I would not have succeeded in medicine. In conclusion, music lessons are valued in some education systems. However, scientific subjects could be more important in practical termsmore important practically because they can assist studentsscholars to achieve their goals in higher educationduring the higher level of education.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response maintains a clear preference for scientific and technical subjects and attempts to support both sides with education-related examples. However, the supporting logic is often strained or insufficiently explained, and the entire essay appears as one paragraph, making progression less easy to follow; frequent awkward wording and malformed clauses also reduce precision. Prioritize developing directly relevant reasons in separate paragraphs, then edit each sentence for complete grammar and natural collocation.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay answers the question with a consistent position and relevant ideas, but several examples are implausible or insufficiently connected to the claim.
Build each side around a direct educational benefit and explain clearly how the example proves that benefit.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a recognizable two-sided sequence, but mechanical signposting and the lack of paragraph breaks weaken organization.
Separate the introduction, each main argument, and the conclusion into purposeful paragraphs with clearer links between claims and examples.
Lexical Resource
There is an adequate range of academic and topic vocabulary, although frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices reduce clarity.
Prefer natural combinations such as stronger scientific foundations and practical skills, and remove imprecise competitive language.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied complex structures, but frequent errors in clause formation, tense, agreement, and articles sometimes disrupt reading.
Rewrite malformed clauses as complete sentences and check tense consistency before adding more complex conditional structures.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people say that time and money spent on music classes in schools are not necessary. Instead, children should be learning useful subjects such as science and computers. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your own opinion and include relevant examples.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.