Some people think it is more important to spend public money on promoting a healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on the treatment for people who are already ill. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Health funds are always included in every country's national budget since the early stages of the world. Every year, governments allocateEvery year the government has allocated a lot of money for the prevention and cure of the public'spublic most common diseases. It is agreed that spending public money to promote a healthy lifestyle for the prevention of illnesses is more importantimportantly than for treating people who are already illfor the treatment of already ill people. This argument will be proven that prevention is better than cure, and already ill people are expected to be at their terminal life. For one, spending state funds on promoting a healthy lifestyle to prevent illnesses is better because prevention is better than cure. For instance, when I was working as an RHU (Rural Health Unit) nurse in a small community called San Pablo situated in the province of Pangasinan in the Philippines; we disseminated multivitamins and done vaccinations for children in the area because our government had a program called "Eliminate Diseases by Prevention", so we, as health officials and workers implemented it. It is actually a good campaign because no children in that particular community have had serious childhoodchildren diseases. Thus, they became healthier and public moneythe public money was used wiselyhas been used wisely. In addition to this, there is no point in usingthis, it is no sense using the people's money for those who are already ill because it is expected that they will be nearing the end of their livesthey will be at their terminal life. For instance, in the ICU (Intensive Care Unit) of Urdaneta Sacred Heart Hospital where I am currently assigned as a duty nurseassigned to a hospital as a duty nurse, we have a terminally ill colon cancer patient, Mrs Corazon Cojuanco. She is in the final stage, andWhen she is in her final stage and any further medications or treatments will not prolong her lifewill not work in prolonging her life. So, cancer patients who are in the final stage of illnessat their last stage, such as those with colon, lung, or breast cancersuch as colon, lung or breast, should no longer receive public fundingshould not be funded anymore because it is useless. It is really better to allocate the money for the promotion of healthy lifestyles. In conclusion, spending more public money on a healthier lifestyle is better because prevention is always better than treating an already ill patient and there is no point in using public funds for treatmentas well as it is no sense using it because they are already in the terminal stage of lifeat their terminal stage of their life. Thus, this proves thatit has proven that it is more important to spend public money on promoting a healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on the treatment for people who are already ill. Thus, improving healthy lifestyles is highly recommended.
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response is strongest in its clear position and use of detailed professional examples to support preventive health spending. Its main limitation is the unsupported assumption that people who are already ill are generally terminal, which weakens the relevance and persuasiveness of a major argument. The highest-priority improvement is to compare prevention with treatment more fairly, using reasoned distinctions between ordinary care, chronic illness, and end-of-life care.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is maintained and supported with examples, but a major claim about ill people being terminal is overgeneralised and insufficiently justified.
Develop a balanced funding argument that recognises the continuing need for treatment while explaining why prevention merits greater investment.
Coherence and Cohesion
The overall sequence is discernible, but the single-block presentation, repetitive reasoning, and mechanical transitions weaken progression.
Separate the introduction, each main argument, and the conclusion into focused paragraphs with clearer internal topic development.
Lexical Resource
The response has sufficient health-related vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word forms reduce precision.
Correct expressions such as more importantly than, done vaccinations, children diseases, and at their terminal life.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex sentences communicates the main meaning, though frequent structural, agreement, and clause errors reduce control.
Prioritise complete sentence boundaries and accurate verb forms, then revise overloaded sentences into clearly linked clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think it is more important to spend public money on promoting a healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on the treatment for people who are already ill. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.