In many countries, schools have severe problems with student behaviour. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?
Sample Response
Over the last ten years, pupil behaviourpupil’s behavior is a serious problem for a lot of schools around the world. Indeed, according to the statistic, the level of school staff complaintsschool workers compliances on pupils' behaviourthe pupils behavior hashave increased significantly. This essay will examine the reasons why this has occurred and suggest some possible solutions. One reason for this behavioural problem isOne of the reasons for this is that teachers now lack the freedom to discipline children. In the past, teachers could use a wider range of methodsany methods they felt appropriate to control pupils in their class, even if this meant physical punishment. However, the balance has now changed, with children aware that there are limits to what a teacher can do and without respect for teacherswithout this respect children’s behaviour could be inappropriate. There have, for instance, been cases wherewere pupils have sued teachers for disciplining them too harshly. Children should, of course, not be abusedshould of course not be abused, but teachers must be given more power to use the methods that they think appropriate to control the class without fear of recrimination. Another factor may be the diet of children. Research has widely reported that the additives in many snacksadditives on a lot of the snacks and carbonated drinks that children drink regularly can cause behavioural changes such as hyperactivity. This may lead to significant problemsproblem with child’s behaviour at school. To prevent this, schools must make sure that these snacks are not available at schoolat the school. Parents have a part to play as well, and they must ensure that their children are not given too much of these types of snacks at home. To conclude, children may have serious problems with their behaviour at school because of a lack of discipline in schools and additives from snacks. However, the solutions are to give more power back to teachers and to limit the availability of certain foodsfood.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response directly addresses both causes and solutions, pairing reduced teacher authority and children’s diet with relevant practical responses. Its main weakness is presentation: the single-block structure obscures otherwise logical progression, while recurring word-form, collocation, and grammar errors reduce precision. Divide the essay into clear functional paragraphs, then broaden one solution with a specific school or family measure and edit key education-related phrases.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay answers both parts of the question with two clear causes and matching solutions: reduced teacher authority and children’s diet. The ideas are relevant and supported, though the discussion could include a wider range of school, family, and social factors.
Add one more cause or broaden the second solution with practical measures such as parent-school rules, counselling, or behaviour policies.
Coherence and Cohesion
Progression is clear within the argument, but the whole response is presented as one block, which limits paragraphing and makes the essay harder to scan. Linking is generally logical, though several references such as this and these snacks could be more precise.
Separate the essay into an introduction, one body paragraph on discipline, one on diet, and a short conclusion.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is relevant and sometimes precise, including discipline, physical punishment, sued teachers, additives, hyperactivity, and recrimination. There are noticeable word-form and collocation errors such as compliances, additives on, and significant problem with.
Use natural education collocations such as complaints about pupil behaviour, additives in snacks, and behavioural problems.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response shows control of complex sentences and meaning is usually clear. However, there are errors with possessives, agreement, articles, relative clauses, and modal phrasing, and the lack of sentence separation makes some ideas heavy.
Check plural agreement and possessive forms, especially pupils, teachers, children, and problems.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In many countries, schools have severe problems with student behaviour. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.