Some people believe the aim of university education is to help graduates get better jobs. Others believe there are much wider benefits of university education for both individuals and society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
Tertiary education, even though it is directedeven though is directed towards lucrative employment opportunities for the learners, has diverse facetshave a diverse facet. It aims at more than just preparing participants for jobs. This essay discusses how university education helps build a better career and also offers many wider benefitsmany extensive applications towards personal growth and social benefits.
To begin with,To commence with how university education helps learners get better jobs after graduating from university, it is undeniable that most lucrative job applications demand at least a university degree. For example, most prestigious jobs that come with better job security and pay scale have higher job requirements, and without a university educationwithout university educations, it is difficult to apply for such jobs, let alone secure one. As universities teach pupils the subject matter knowledge extensively and help them learn some important soft skills, they get ready to take onthe professional challenges more adeptly than their counterparts. Moreover, both in developed and developing countries, postgraduates are able to command a considerablyconsiderable higher salary at their workplace when compared to employees with just a high school diploma. Finally, some highly respected and highly specialised professionsdemanding professions, like those of doctors, pilots, engineers, architects and scientists can only be pursued aftercan only be pursued, after graduating from the respective university courses. Considering all these aspects, it is undeniable that university education is perceived as a means of better employability.
However, apart from preparing learners to secure lucrative and prestigious jobs after graduating, tertiary education also benefits the nation by creating educated societies that containeducated societies, containing an immense pool of forward-thinking and enlightened individuals, who can contribute towards social development by their respective expertise. They become the leaders of tomorrow and their decisions and actions shape the community, society and the whole country. As universities have taught them skills that are useful to lead those positions, tertiary education, directly and indirectly, is immensely benefitingbenefitting the country. For example, most leaders and entrepreneurs in my country are graduates of different universities and they are contributing to the development of nations from the skills they have learned from their university education. Finally, numerous long-lasting friendships, business partnerships and courtships also bloom from the university campus life that economically supports the nation.
To conclude, apart from generating stablehealthy employment, university education serves individuals, communities and society to a great extent. So it has great social and individual significance as well.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response presents a clear, well-developed position and effectively explains both employability and the wider social value of university education, supported by relevant examples. Its main weakness is that several claims remain broad and the language occasionally becomes repetitive or awkward; the highest-priority improvement is to develop one precise non-employment example while tightening sentence structure and using more natural academic collocations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay addresses both views and gives a clear opinion that university education has wider individual and social value beyond employability. Ideas are relevant and developed, though some claims are broad.
Add one more precise example of a non-employment benefit, such as civic participation or research innovation, to deepen the second view.
Coherence and Cohesion
The structure is clear and paragraphing supports progression. Some cohesion is slightly mechanical, and a few long sentences carry too many ideas.
Use more concise topic sentences and reduce repeated phrases such as "after graduating" and "lucrative jobs."
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is flexible and topic-appropriate, with some strong academic language. However, several collocations are awkward or over-formal.
Keep the academic tone but choose natural collocations, especially around education, employability, and social contribution.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Grammar is generally strong, but there are recurring agreement, article, and preposition errors in complex noun phrases.
Proofread subject-verb agreement when the subject is separated from the verb by a phrase.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people believe the aim of university education is to help graduates get better jobs. Others believe there are much wider benefits of university education for both individuals and society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.