Some people believe the aim of university education is to help graduates get better jobs. Others believe there are much wider benefits of university education for both individuals and society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
Today, education has become a vital part of our livesthe vital part of our life. People are opting for higher and higher qualifications these days so that they can get better jobs in future. Along with better job prospectsprospectives, there are also other benefits of acquiring university education. In this essay, I will discuss some of them.
Knowledge & learning help an individual shape his or her futurehelp individual shape his future and make him a respected personmakes him the respected person in societythe society. Gaining a university degreeGaining university degree not only provides the individual with the opportunity to earn more, but also increases his/her value in the society. The person becomes both a more socially and economically productive citizensocially and economically an ideal citizen which today the society demands. S/he gains self-confidence, a better personality which is acceptable in the society.
Education in formal institutes like colleges and universities allowsoffers a student to expand his/her horizon of knowledge and experience. S/he can learn about diverse cultures, mannersmanner and other important aspects of life.
Furthermore, enrolment in university programsenrollment in the university programs increases the person's understanding and knowledge; thereby, making him/her more efficient at workmore efficient in his work and building a good career. For example, a university graduate has better ideas to run a company effectively and this quality can impress his employer and lead to his promotion in future. Higher education also leads to a healthy lifestyle. Educated people are more conscious about their health than uneducated peoplethe uneducated one. Last but not the least, obtaining a university degree raises the individual's status a step higher.
To conclude, my opinion undoubtedly is in the favour of acquiring higher studies to build up a good career as well as to shape the individual's personality which is also beneficial for the betterment of the society.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response presents a clear, relevant position that university education benefits careers, individuals, and society, and its ideas are generally easy to follow. Its main limitation is that the two views are not sharply contrasted, while several wider-benefit claims remain brief and language errors sometimes weaken precision. Reorganise the body into distinct employment and wider-benefit paragraphs, develop each with a specific example, and edit articles, agreement, and academic collocations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay discusses both employment benefits and wider personal or social benefits, and it gives a clear opinion in favour of higher education for both purposes. However, the two views are not sharply contrasted, and some claims about society and health are underdeveloped.
Create one paragraph for better jobs and one for wider benefits, then explicitly state why your opinion combines both views.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing is present and the essay progresses from general benefits to employment and conclusion. Some ideas overlap across paragraphs, and the second and third paragraphs are quite short.
Merge related points or expand each body paragraph with one clear topic sentence, explanation, and example.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficient for education and employment, but word forms and collocations are often inaccurate, such as prospectives, shape his future, and healthy lifestyle comparisons.
Use common academic collocations: job prospects, earn a degree, broaden knowledge, improve career prospects, and benefit society.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response is understandable, with a mix of sentence forms, but frequent article, agreement, and preposition errors reduce accuracy.
Check articles before singular nouns and make subjects agree with verbs, especially when using individual, degree, society, and people.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people believe the aim of university education is to help graduates get better jobs. Others believe there are much wider benefits of university education for both individuals and society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.