Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18. Some psychologists claim that the basic reason for this is that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this option?
Sample Response
It is obvious that modern societyour modern lives today have experienced a considerable rise in teenage violence, especially for those under the age of eighteen. Some psychologists attribute this situation to the responsibility of teachers and parents. In fact, they do not provide children with the necessarywith necessary social and emotionalemotion knowledge.As far as I am concerned, I strongly agree with this opinion because of thesome following reasons.
Firstly, it is undeniable that many teachers are in favour of an old-fashioned approachold-fashioned approach to students' academic performancestudent’s academic performance. This means that they only placeput emphasis on knowledge in main subjects such as literature, maths, history, biology and neglect to convey practicalpratical knowledge in reality. For example, a large number of students may be outstanding in their disciplines but they do not have a full understanding of what violence isfull awareness of violence’s definition, potential causes as well as severe consequences. As a result, lack of realistic perception creeps up on children to commit violent crimes.
Secondly, some parents dodoes not give their children essential support in daily lives. Actually, the fast pace of lifedizzying pace of lives leaves parents overwhelmedmakes parents be flooded with an enormous volume of work and robs them of time to take care of children. Being devoid of love and sympathy can make children be cruel and unsociable to others. Moreover, being beyond their parents' controlgetting out of parent’s control may expose children to harmful websites featuring rebellious contentdamaging websites including rebellious actions. They easily imitate what they see and behave in negative ways.
In conclusion, teachers and parents are largely responsible for the prevalencepopularity of violence among youngstersyounsters. In fact, they do not help childrenchidren develop a deeper understanding of violencedig deep into knowlegde about violence and give them necessary attention. If these matters are still common, the level of teenage violence will continue to riselevel of teenage violence is more and more escalating.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response presents a clear position and organizes two relevant causes into a logical progression, with the discussion of parental absence providing its strongest support. Its main limitation is that several causal claims, especially the link between limited awareness of violence and offending, remain asserted rather than convincingly explained. Prioritize developing each reason through a precise cause-and-effect chain and a specific, credible example while improving grammatical control and word choice.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response directly agrees with the claim and offers two relevant reasons, although some causal reasoning remains insufficiently developed.
Explain exactly how each educational or parental shortcoming leads to violent behaviour and support it with a specific credible example.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure and clear sequencing create broadly logical progression, though connections within some explanations are mechanical.
Use cohesive links to clarify the reasoning between cause, consequence, and example rather than relying mainly on sequencing expressions.
Lexical Resource
A sufficient range of topic vocabulary communicates the argument, but frequent spelling and collocation errors reduce precision.
Replace unnatural combinations such as descriptions of awareness causing crime with simpler, accurate collocations and proofread recurring spelling errors.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied complex structures, but recurrent agreement, article, possessive, and sentence-formation errors weaken control.
Prioritize subject-verb agreement and accurate noun phrases, then check every complex sentence for a complete and natural grammatical structure.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18. Some psychologists claim that the basic reason for this is that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this option?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.