Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18. Some psychologists claim that the basic reason for this is that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this option?
Sample Response
It seems trueIt does seem to be true that parents andfind teachers have lost the authority they used to have, particularly from teenagers’ perspectiveespecially in the eyes of teenagers. They are no longer seen as role modelsseen as models for behaviour: hard work, politeness and other positive qualities are seen as old fashioned. Many young people have no respect for these qualities or the people who embodyrepresent them. In fact, I think when young people today are so rebellious that it’s possible that both parents and teachers are afraid to exercise their authority. However, I do not agree that this is the mainbasic reason for the increase in teenage violence.
While I believe it is true that a lack of social and emotional learning contributes to the problem. Other factors are surely involved: economic factors, for example. If a child comes from a poor family and livesa child comes from a poor family and they live in low-quality housing in anall undesirable area, these circumstances are surethis is sure to affect the child, regardless of how loving the parents arehowever loving the parents are.
There is also the question of who your friends are. I believe that when you are in your teens, your friendswhen you are in your teens your friends have a greater influence on youmore influence on you than your parents or teachers. At that age, teenagersyou want to be part of a group, or even a gang, and this desire might lead them to break the lawthis might lead to breaking the law in a number of ways.
In conclusion, while I agree that a lack of social and emotional learningthat lack of social and emotional learning from parents and teachers is a factor in the increase in teenage violencegrowth of teenage violence, I do not believe that it is the only cause or the main causeonly or main cause.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response presents a clear, consistent position and supports it with relevant alternative causes, especially poverty and peer influence. Its main limitation is that several points are asserted briefly, while a few malformed or incomplete sentences interrupt an otherwise fluent argument. The best improvement would be to extend each causal example by showing exactly how it may lead to violence and to proofread complex sentences for completeness.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The task is directly addressed through a clear partial-disagreement position and relevant discussion of parental, economic, and peer influences.
Extend the economic and peer-pressure arguments with one further explanatory step linking each factor specifically to violent behaviour.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through well-focused paragraphs, with generally effective referencing and linking despite one disrupted transition.
Integrate the concessive point about social and emotional learning into a complete sentence so the second paragraph opens smoothly.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and generally precise, with effective language for authority, behaviour, poverty, and peer influence.
Refine occasional awkward choices and phrasing so every expression is natural and exact in context.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses a good range of complex structures, but several clause-boundary and sentence-construction errors reduce overall control.
Proofread concessive and subordinate clauses to ensure each is attached to a complete main clause and punctuated correctly.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18. Some psychologists claim that the basic reason for this is that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this option?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.