The graph below shows the average monthly change in the prices of three metals during 2014.
This response is estimated at Band 5.0. Can you write a better one?
Write yours and get clear feedback on all four criteria.
- Closest to official scores
- What to fix on each criterion
- Feedback in about 20 seconds · free
Sample Response
The line graph describes data about the average monthly change in the pricesabout average monthly change in prices of copper, nickel and zinc during 2014.
Overall, the average monthly change in prices of all three3 metals fluctuated significantly and the most substantial fluctuation could be seen in nickel. In contrast, the change in prices for copper showed milder fluctuations.copper. In contrast, the average monthly change in prices of nickel fluctuated steadily. In addition, the prices of three metals have substantial seasonal variationschanging.
There was a marked drop in change in price compared with previous month for nickel from 6% to 1% over the first two monthsfor copper from 6% to 1% over the first 2 months, after which it fell substantially in June reaching -3%. Then, a significant growth could be seen in this figure in July from -3% to -1% before remaining unchanged for three monthsduring 3 months. Moreover, this percentage sanksinked from September to October before rising markedly from -1% to 1% in the following monthin next month and the figure then remained unchanged.and then remained unchanged the figure.
The figures of zinc also have the same trend. A steady decline could be seen in the change in price compared with previous month for zinc over the first five months, after whichover the 5 months, after which, it increased from approximately -0.5% to 1%, before fluctuating between 0.5% andto 1.5%. Moreover, the figure for Nickel grew during the first month,during first month after which a noticeable fall could be seen in this figure from 3% to -1% over the next five months,over the 5 month after which it remainedremain stable at approximately -0.5% before increasing from -1% to 2%.
Why this response received Band 5.0
The essay presents a clear structure and attempts to trace the trends for all three metals across the year. However, the report consistently misinterprets the graph legend, attributing Nickel's data to copper and Zinc's data to nickel. Correctly mapping each line in the legend to its corresponding data series is the highest priority for improving the response.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
Although a general overview is provided, the data reporting is inaccurate because the trends and figures for the three metals are confused with one another.
Carefully trace each line against its specific legend symbol before writing to ensure data and metal names match correctly.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response uses logical paragraphing by metal, but the reliance on repetitive linking phrases creates a mechanical flow.
Vary cohesive transitions beyond repeated patterns like 'after which' and 'moreover' to improve progression.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary covers basic reporting needs, but errors in word formation and collocation are noticeable.
Replace incorrect forms like 'sinked' and 'seasonal changing' with accurate vocabulary such as 'sank' and 'seasonal variations'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Simple sentence structures are often clear, but frequent grammatical and preposional errors lower the overall accuracy.
Focus on subject-verb agreement and correct preposition usage in time expressions, such as 'for three months' and 'over the five-month period'.