The graph below shows the average monthly change in the prices of three metals during 2014.
This response is estimated at Band 6.5. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
The line graph illustratesdescribes data about the average monthly change in the prices of copper, nickel and zinc during 2014.
Overall, the average monthly changes in the prices of all three metals fluctuated over the period, and the most substantial fluctuation could be seen in nickel. Meanwhile, copperIn contrast, copper experienced relatively smaller fluctuations. In addition, all three metals showed both increases and decreases during the year.
There was a marked drop in the monthly price changein change in price compared with previous month for nickel from 6% to 1% between January and March,over the first 2 months, after which it fell substantially, reaching -3% in June. Then, a significant growth could be seen in this figure in July from -3% to -1% before remaining unchanged through September.for 3 months. Moreover, this percentage sank from September to October before rising markedly from -21% to 1% in November, where it leveled off through December.in the next month and the figure then remained unchanged.
The figures of zinc also have the same trend. Zinc's monthly price change rose to 3% in February before dropping steadily until JuneA steady decline could be seen in the change in price compared with previous month for zinc over the 5 months, after which itafter which, it increased from approximately -0.5% to 1%, before fluctuating between 1% and 2%between 0.5% to 1.5%. Moreover, the figure for copper decreasedgrew during the first month, after which a noticeable fall could be seen in this figure from 2% to -0.5%from 3% to -1% over the next 5 months after which it remained stable at approximately -0.5% before rising to about 1.5% in December.before increasing from -1% to 2%.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response effectively provides a clear overview and describes key trends with accurate numerical details from the line graph. Paragraphing and logical organization are sound, allowing for clear progression throughout the report. To reach higher bands, aim to vary repetitive vocabulary phrasing and eliminate minor grammatical errors in complex clause structures.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The main trends and key figures for all three metals are covered accurately, supported by a clear overview.
Group and contrast data points more explicitly across metals rather than reporting each line individually.
Coherence and Cohesion
The description is logically structured into clear paragraphs with good overall coherence and progression.
Use a wider variety of linking devices to make transitions between monthly shifts feel less mechanical.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is generally adequate to convey trends, but relies heavily on repetitive phrases copied from the prompt.
Paraphrase key terms like price change and metal values using varied vocabulary such as percentage shifts or rates of change.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex sentence structures is used, though minor prepositional and grammatical slips occur.
Refine relative clauses and preposition combinations following words like drop or growth to improve structural precision.