The graph below shows the average monthly change in the prices of three metals during 2014.
This response is estimated at Band 7.0. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
The graph illustratesprovides a visual representation of the average monthly percentage change in the prices of three different metals, namely copper, nickel and zinc in the year 2014.
Overall, the metals fluctuated during the year.
In January, nickelIn January nickel was at its peak, before experiencingreporting a sharp drop in percentage change, from 6% to 1%, in March. Between March and May, no major changes were recorded before June, when the number dropped to its lowest point of -3%its lowest point, to -3%. After this, the figure showed slight increases, before reaching 1% at the end of the year.
As for zinc, its rate rose sharplyit reported a sharp increase between January and February, before starting to show a slight decrease over a three-month period. In June, the number dropped significantly from 1% to -1%. In the following months, zinc remained stable, before rising to 2% at the end of the year.
Lastly, copper recorded a moderate decrease from the beginning of the year until May, recovered to -0.5% in June, and reached 1% in Julyuntil May, before recovering to -0.5% in June before reaching 1% in July. Between July and September it remained stable, before rising to approximately 1.5% in December after a few reported changes.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The essay effectively presents key trends and specific figures for all three metals using clear structural organization. Its primary strength lies in its logical breakdown by metal and accurate reading of data points across the timeline. To enhance performance, expand the overview to highlight main comparative trends rather than just stating overall fluctuation.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
Key details and precise data points for each metal are highlighted clearly throughout the response.
Provide a more detailed overview sentence comparing which metal saw the highest overall change or contrasting their general patterns.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is organized logically into separate paragraphs for each metal with clear transitions.
Vary sentence openers across paragraphs to avoid relying repeatedly on similar introductory phrases.
Lexical Resource
A good range of trend vocabulary is used flexibly to describe rises, falls, and stability.
Incorporate a wider variety of precise verbs and nouns to avoid repeating basic terms like figure or number.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Sentences demonstrate strong control of complex grammar, particularly through participle clauses.
Ensure punctuation, such as comma placement before dependent clauses, is consistently accurate across longer sentences.