The graph below shows the average monthly change in the prices of three metals during 2014.
This response is estimated at Band 6.0. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
The line graph describes data about the averageabout average monthly changes in the prices of copper, nickel, and zincchange in prices of copper, nickel and zinc during 2014.
Overall, the average monthly change in prices of all 3 metals fluctuated significantly and the most substantial fluctuation could be seen in nickel. In contrast, the average monthly change in prices of nickel fluctuated steadily. In addition, the prices of the three metals hadprices of three metals have noticeable fluctuations across the yearsubstantial seasonal changing.
There was a marked drop in change in price compared with previous month for nickelnickels from 6% in January to 1% in Marchfrom 6% to 1% over the first 2 months, after which it fell substantially, reaching -3% in June. Then, a significant growth could be seen in this figure in July from -3% to -1% before remaining unchanged for 3 months. Moreover, this percentage sank from September to October before rising markedly from -1% to 1% in the next monthin next month and the figure then remained unchanged.
The figures for zinc also showedThe figures of zinc also have the same trend. A steady decline could be seen in the change in price compared with previous month for zinc over the next four months to -1% in Juneover the 5 months, after which itafter which, it increased from approximately -0.5% to 1%, before fluctuating between 0.5% andto 1.5%. Moreover, the figure for copper grew during the first monthduring first month after which a noticeable fall could be seen in this figure from 3% to -1% over the next 5 months, after which itmonths after which it remained stable at approximately -0.5% before increasing from -1% to 2%.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response effectively covers the main trends for all three metals with appropriate supporting data from the chart. However, overall clarity is slightly hindered by contradictory statements in the summary paragraph and repetitive language throughout the description. To reach a higher score, ensure overview statements are logically consistent and vary sentence structures and vocabulary when describing data changes.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
Key trends and figure details for all three metals are reported, though the overview contains contradictory claims about nickel's stability and volatility.
Refine the overview paragraph to ensure key summary statements accurately reflect overall visual patterns without contradicting each other.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is organized logically across body paragraphs, but cohesive transitions like 'Moreover' and 'In contrast' are occasionally used mechanically or inappropriately.
Use logical transition words accurately to reflect actual relationships between comparative data points rather than defaulting to repetitive connectors.
Lexical Resource
An adequate vocabulary range is used to describe price movements, though phrasing relies heavily on copied prompt wording and repetitive expressions.
Paraphrase key visual terms and incorporate a broader range of verbs and nouns to describe upward and downward trends.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex sentence forms is attempted, though minor grammatical errors in prepositions, article usage, and plurals occur frequently.
Proofread for missing prepositions and articles in temporal phrases to improve overall grammatical accuracy.