The graph below shows the average monthly change in the prices of three metals during 2014.
This response is estimated at Band 6.0. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
The graph provides a visual representation of the average monthly percentage change in the prices of three different metals, namely copper, nickel and zinc in the year 2014.
Overall, the metals illustrated a fluctuation during the year. In January nickel was at its highest peakpaek, before reporting a sharp decrease in price changedecrease in number, from 6% to 1%, in March. Between March and May, no major changes were recorded before June, when the number dropped to its lowest point, to -3%. After this, figures showed slight increasesAfter this number showed few increases, before reaching 1% at the end of the year.
As for zinc, it sawreported a sharp increase between January and February, before starting to show a slight decrease over a three-month period. In June, the number dropped significantly from 1% to -1%. In the following months, zinc remained relatively stableshowed a stable number, before rising to 2% at the end of the year.
Lastly, copper recorded a moderate decrease from the beginning of the year untiltill May, before rising to 1% in July. Between July and September it remained stable, before rising to approximately 1.5% in December after a few reported changesafter few reported changes.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The report effectively structures the data by devoting separate paragraphs to each metal, providing a clear overall picture of the main trends. However, the initial overview remains very brief, and repetitive vocabulary alongside grammatical errors reduces the precision of the description. To raise the writing quality, focus on writing a more detailed overview comparing overall trends across metals and refining sentence structures to avoid comma splices.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
Key details and figures for all three metals are reported with broad accuracy, though the overall overview is minimal.
Expand the overview paragraph to compare general key trends across all three metals rather than just stating that prices fluctuated.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically grouped by category, giving the response a clear overall paragraph structure.
Vary cohesive phrases and transitional expressions to make transitions between data points feel more natural.
Lexical Resource
An adequate vocabulary is used to describe changes, though vague phrasing like 'the number' is repeated frequently and minor spelling errors occur.
Incorporate a wider range of precise language for describing data changes, replacing repeated terms such as 'the number' with specific nouns.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures is attempted, but comma splices and awkward participial clauses occasionally impede flow.
Ensure complex sentence structures are punctuated correctly, particularly when using participial phrases starting with 'before' or 'after'.