The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018.
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Sample Response
The graph provides information on the number of shopping facilities that were closed and opened in a particular country between the years 2011 and 2018.
Overall, in 2011 a large number of shopping facilities were opened, while in 2015 shop closures reached their lowest point.while in 2015 a huge number of shops experienced closure.
Regarding the opening of the shopping facilities, in 2011, the number of newly opened shops peakedwas at the peak, at nearly 8500 facilities, before dropping significantly to approximately 4000 shops in 2012. Between 2012 and 2014 the number rose markedly to about 6100 facilities, before experiencing another decrease to 4000 shopsyet another decrease in number of 4000 shops in 2015. From the year 2015 to 2016 the number of newly opened shops remained at a moderate level, before reporting a slight increase toat about 4100 shops in 2017. The lowest number of openings was recorded in 2018, approximately 3000 shops.
In terms of closures , between 2011 and 2012, the number dropped slightly from nearly 6400 to 5900 shops, before rising to about 7100 facilities in 2013. In 2014 closures and openings were at a similar levelclosures and openings reported a similar figure, approximately 6200 shops. Between 2014 and 2015 the number of closed shops experienced a major drop to about 600 shopsat abot 600 shops, before rising steeply to roughly 5100 shopsfacilities. From the year 2016 to 2018, the figure reported a slight fluctuation, before reaching approximately 5100 shops in 2018.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response effectively organizes the detailed data into separate paragraphs for openings and closures with accurate reporting of individual figures. However, the overview incorrectly describes 2015 as having a huge number of closures when it was actually the lowest point in the graph. To improve, craft a more accurate overall summary that highlights overall trends rather than misinterpreting single data points.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The overall summary misrepresents key information by stating closures were high in 2015 when they hit a sharp low.
Ensure the overview accurately synthesizes broad trends across the period without misreading data points.
Coherence and Cohesion
The reporting is logically split by openings and closures, making the body paragraphs easy to follow.
Vary cohesive transitions and linking phrases to connect comparative data more smoothly between categories.
Lexical Resource
A good variety of trends vocabulary is used, though phrasing such as 'shopping facilities' is repeated excessively.
Incorporate a wider range of synonyms for store types and verify minor spelling errors like 'abot'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex sentence structures is controlled well enough to convey meaning clearly throughout.
Refine prepositions and spacing around punctuation to ensure error-free grammar and mechanics.