The diagram shows the changes that have taken place at West Park Secondary School since its construction in 1950.
This response is estimated at Band 7.5. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
The maps illustrate developments at West Park Secondary School across three distinct years: 1950, 1980, and 2010. Overall, the school has undergone some noticeable changes, namely the expansion of school facilities, including a car park, a science block, and a sports fieldaddition of the sports field, the car park and the science block.
In 1950, a large portion of the space near the main road was occupied by houses with farmland situated to the south. The school was built next to the houses with a playground directly to its south.
In 1980, the houses were demolished and replaced by a car park and a science block.replaced by a car park and a science. The original school building became the main building, Deletealongside an added science block. Directly south of the car park, far from the main road, the farmland was converted into athe sports field.
After a major redesign inredesign, in 2010, the playground and the sports field were reduced in size and situated side by side to the south, with the sports field positioned between the car park and the playground.placed next to each other south of the main building and science block. Furthermore, the car park was significantly expanded southward to take over the previous sports field area.
Why this response received Band 7.5
The report effectively describes the sequence of developments at the school site using a clear chronological structure and accurate spatial references. The main limitation is a minor slip in sentence phrasing and slightly repeated vocabulary when detailing site changes. Proofreading for minor grammatical lapses and incorporating more varied passive constructions will further polish the output.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response presents a clear overview and accurately reports the main structural changes across all three periods.
Ensure all key features are fully stated without minor missing words in descriptive phrases.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically organised by year with smooth transitions and explicit directional references.
Maintain the strong paragraph structure while using a wider variety of cohesive devices between paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
A good range of map-related vocabulary is used appropriately to highlight construction, conversion, and expansion.
Incorporate a broader range of synonyms for redevelopment and land allocation to avoid repeating terms.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Sentences feature well-controlled complex structures and accurate prepositions of place throughout.
Proofread carefully to prevent occasional missing noun heads in descriptive clauses.