All university undergraduate courses should include a period of time spent studying abroad or doing a work placement. Do you think the advantages of this would outweigh the disadvantages?
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Sample Response
The growing discourse surrounding undergraduate curriculum setting has garnered widespread attention. I firmly support the argument that all undergraduate courses should include a period of time spent studyingstuding abroad or doing a work placement, a position validated by self-development and social reasons.
To begin with, these arrangements offeroffers numerous undeniable advantages. One primary benefit is that students could gain invaluable practical experienceexperiences and clear visionversion for their future career path in their internships. To elaborate, students who attend these courses could deepen their understanding of how the real world operates, stimulating their genuine interes in related disciplines. Thus, by applying what students learned in schoolschoold, they will master relevantrelevent knowledge and discover what areas they tend to work for. As a result, students will have a primary plan for their career path, which may be beneficial to their whole lifetime.
In addition, having a course to study abroad as exchange students may cultivate their global perspective. To be more specific, students who are mostly fast learners in this fast-paced world could immerse themselves into foreign culture, and they could easily be influencedeasily influenced by their beliefs,norms and customscustomes, which will teach them to be respectful to other cultures and religions. Thus, with that mindset, they could better involve in communication issues such as academic forums and Model United Nations, enhancingenhanceing their cooperativecorporating abilities. Furthermore, studentsstudens will gain a global perspective, which lies in cooperationcorporation, conversation and respectfulness, strengtheningstrenthening their own abilities in the working environment.
Moreover, these courses arethose course are also beneficial to enterprises. Graduates with global perspective, proficiency in English and plenty of industrial experiences are premium talents, which are needed in all sorts of companies. Establishing career fair directly on campus will help businesses employ ideal staffstaffs and also reduce their costs on human resources and marketing. As a result, these employers usually win a good reputation on the willing of accept fresh graduates, and are praisedprasied as an examplea sample with strong social responsibilities, which may bring them potential benefits in the long termterms.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay presents a clear position with several well-developed points outlining the benefits of studying abroad and work placements. However, it focuses exclusively on the positive aspects without acknowledging potential drawbacks, which makes the evaluation incomplete. To improve, explicitly address potential disadvantages to demonstrate a fully balanced evaluation of whether advantages outweigh them, while systematically proofreading to eliminate minor spelling and grammatical errors.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
You present a clear thesis and support main ideas well, but you do not directly evaluate potential disadvantages to weigh them against the advantages.
Include a dedicated paragraph acknowledging potential drawbacks—such as financial costs or academic delays—to thoroughly justify why the benefits outweigh them.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically organized into thematic paragraphs with clear central topics and effective transitions.
Vary your paragraph openings beyond formulaic cohesive devices like 'To begin with' and 'In addition' to make the logical flow feel more natural.
Lexical Resource
You demonstrate a strong range of topic-specific vocabulary, but frequent spelling errors detract from the overall precision.
Review key academic vocabulary before writing to eliminate recurring spelling typos such as 'studing', 'customes', and 'strenthening'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
You show good control over complex sentence structures, but persistent subject-verb agreement errors and passive voice slips lower accuracy.
Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement with plural nouns and ensure correct passive verb forms in complex clauses.