People attend colleges or universities for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge etc.). Why do you think people attend colleges or universities?
Sample Response
As today’s work environment has already become highly specialized, graduating from university is a prerequisite to even be able to compete in the job market. Still, the outlook for better career opportunities is certainly not the only reason why people strive for a higher education. Judging from my personal experience, there are several reasons to go to university, such as the desire to contribute to humanity’s knowledge base as well as the wish to tackle unanswered questions about oneself. First of all, numerous conversations with fellow students uncovered the deeply felt desire to add to a specific field of research and by doing so, advance humanity’s development. This motivation might be directed to a clearly set goal, such as working on a new kind of propulsion engine that might enable interplanetary space travel – or it might be more of a general kind, such as understanding the appropriate application of ethical principles in the light of artificial intelligence. Secondly, the drive to find out more about oneself can lead people to join the academic realm, so they become enabled to shed light on what still remains in the dark of their own being. For me personally, this was a contributing factor why I initially applied for a university program at the psychology department as I wanted to unravel the mysteries surrounding my own consciousness. Considering my personal experience and the insights that I gained from my peers, among a variety of reasons, the wish to be part of cutting-edge research and the curiosity about one’s own existence can motivate people to seek a university education. [Penned by - Demiugos ]
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise prerequisite phrase Original: a prerequisite to even be able to compete Suggested revision: a prerequisite for competing Why it matters: ‘Prerequisite for’ takes a gerund and removes redundant wording.
- 2. Use natural prospects term Original: the outlook for better career opportunities Suggested revision: the prospect of better career opportunities Why it matters: ‘Prospect of’ is the natural phrase for a possible future benefit.
- 3. Remove education article Original: strive for a higher education Suggested revision: pursue higher education Why it matters: ‘Higher education’ is uncountable here and is naturally paired with ‘pursue’.
- 4. Use neutral evidence phrase Original: Judging from my personal experience Suggested revision: Based on my personal experience Why it matters: ‘Based on’ introduces the source of the observation more directly.
- 5. Use natural discovery verb Original: uncovered Suggested revision: revealed Why it matters: Conversations can ‘reveal’ a desire, while ‘uncovered’ is less natural here.
- 6. Use concise intensity Original: the deeply felt desire Suggested revision: the strong desire Why it matters: The revision expresses intensity without an awkward participial modifier.
- 7. Use precise goal phrase Original: directed to a clearly set goal Suggested revision: directed towards a clearly defined goal Why it matters: ‘Directed towards’ and ‘clearly defined’ are the natural collocations.
- 8. Use concise comparison Original: more of a general kind Suggested revision: more general Why it matters: The adjective alone conveys the distinction without the vague noun ‘kind’.
- 9. Use established term Original: join the academic realm Suggested revision: enter academia Why it matters: ‘Enter academia’ is the concise conventional expression.
- 10. Use reason structure Original: a contributing factor why I initially applied Suggested revision: one reason why I initially applied Why it matters: ‘One reason why’ correctly introduces the motivation for the application.
- 11. Remove author note Original: [Penned by - Demiugos ] Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: The bracketed attribution is not part of the candidate's argument.
Suggested Rewrites
- a prerequisite to even be able to compete a prerequisite for competing
- the outlook for better career opportunities the prospect of better career opportunities
- strive for a higher education pursue higher education
- Judging from my personal experience Based on my personal experience
- uncovered revealed
- the deeply felt desire the strong desire
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response gives an original, thoughtful answer, with especially strong examples linking higher education to research, artificial intelligence, and personal self-discovery. Its main limitation is the absence of paragraph breaks, which hides the clear two-reason structure, while a few expressions sound unnecessarily abstract or awkward. Prioritise dividing the argument into purposeful paragraphs and stating each motivation in more direct language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The question is answered directly through two distinctive, well-developed motivations supported by specific examples and personal experience.
Briefly connect the opening career motivation to the developed reasons so every introduced idea contributes to the answer.
Coherence and Cohesion
The reasoning progresses logically from research contribution to self-discovery, but the entire essay appears as one paragraph.
Use separate introduction, body, and conclusion paragraphs so the strong conceptual progression is visibly organised.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is broad and sophisticated, though occasional abstract or awkward expressions reduce naturalness.
Prefer direct phrasing over expressions such as 'join the academic realm' and 'become enabled to shed light'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is handled accurately, with only occasional awkward construction.
Refine clause attachment in the personal example and vary long sentence patterns with concise declarative sentences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
People attend colleges or universities for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge etc.). Why do you think people attend colleges or universities?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.