People attend colleges or universities for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge etc.). Why do you think people attend colleges or universities?
Sample Response
It’s true to say that people take admission in college and universities for higher education with different intentions. Overall, it depends on the economic and social status of countries. According to my point of view, in today’s world, most of the people get higher education to earn money, especially the residents of underdeveloped or third world countries like Pakistan. In this essay, I will elaborate my view with reasons and examples.
First, if we see in low-income countries like Pakistan, where life is striving for the basic needs like foods and shelters, most of the youths of Pakistan take admission in subjects like M.B.A, Information Technology and other science subjects for a better scope of having better careers and earning good money. Their basic needs for survival outweigh other ethnic values of education. Very few students take interest in arts and other non-technical education.
While somehow in the west or developed countries where government ensures basic needs of the people, have a different reason for people to attend colleges and universities. Most of the students in the west still follow the true meanings and reason of education. They take admission in universities to increase their skills, knowledge and characters. That is the reason for progress in research and development. On the balance, I must say that humans of all over the globe have lost the true meanings of education except in very countries in the west. The man has increased the needs and demands for more comfort or for other reasons, but, it is the economical situation of nations which defines the trend of education move towards money or moreover towards aesthetics.
On the balance, I must say that people of all over the globe attend the schools and universities to increase their scope to earn the better income. We have lost the true meanings of education. Lust for money has taken over the thrust and great values of knowledge. It is one of the proofs that now the world rarely produces the great characters like Rumi and Newton.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural collocation Original: take admission in college and universities Suggested revision: gain admission to colleges and universities Why it matters: 'Gain admission to' is the standard collocation, and both institutions are referenced generally in the plural.
- 2. Fix viewpoint phrase Original: According to my point of view Suggested revision: From my point of view Why it matters: 'From my point of view' is the idiomatic phrase for introducing an opinion.
- 3. Remove unnecessary article Original: most of the people Suggested revision: most people Why it matters: Use 'most people' for a general reference without a defined group.
- 4. Add required preposition Original: elaborate my view Suggested revision: elaborate on my view Why it matters: The verb 'elaborate' requires 'on' before the point being explained.
- 5. Use precise verb Original: if we see in low-income countries Suggested revision: if we consider low-income countries Why it matters: 'Consider' expresses examining these countries without the incorrect preposition.
- 6. Supply logical subject Original: where life is striving for the basic needs Suggested revision: where people struggle to meet basic needs Why it matters: People, rather than life, perform the action of struggling to meet needs.
- 7. Use uncountable forms Original: foods and shelters Suggested revision: food and shelter Why it matters: Both nouns are uncountable when referring generally to basic necessities.
- 8. Use natural reference Original: most of the youths of Pakistan Suggested revision: many young Pakistanis Why it matters: This concise phrase refers to the group more naturally in formal English.
- 9. Fix education collocation Original: take admission in subjects Suggested revision: enrol in programmes Why it matters: Students enrol in programmes rather than take admission in subjects.
- 10. Express career purpose Original: for a better scope of having better careers Suggested revision: to improve their career prospects Why it matters: 'Improve their career prospects' conveys the intended purpose clearly and avoids repetition.
- 11. Choose intended adjective Original: ethnic Suggested revision: intrinsic Why it matters: 'Intrinsic' refers to education's inherent value, while 'ethnic' refers to cultural groups.
- 12. Add article Original: take interest in arts Suggested revision: take an interest in the arts Why it matters: The fixed expression is 'take an interest in', and 'the arts' names the field generally.
Suggested Rewrites
- take admission in college and universities gain admission to colleges and universities
- According to my point of view From my point of view
- most of the people most people
- elaborate my view elaborate on my view
- if we see in low-income countries if we consider low-income countries
- where life is striving for the basic needs where people struggle to meet basic needs
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response presents a sustained explanation of how economic conditions influence university attendance and supports it with a clear comparison between lower-income and developed countries. Its main limitation is that broad moral claims and an income-focused conclusion weaken the nuance of the earlier discussion, while recurring language errors reduce precision. Prioritise directly explaining distinct motivations with measured evidence and editing awkward grammar and collocations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay answers the question with relevant reasons and some development, but overgeneralisation and a narrowed conclusion limit the response.
Develop two or three distinct reasons for attending university and support each without making sweeping claims about whole countries.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress through a clear country-based comparison, though repetition and a few poorly formed transitions weaken cohesion.
Give each paragraph one distinct purpose and remove repeated evaluative statements such as the two uses of On the balance.
Lexical Resource
There is enough range to discuss education and economics, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word forms make expression uneven.
Use natural academic phrases such as enrol at university, improve career prospects, basic necessities, and economic circumstances.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The writer attempts complex sentences, but recurring errors with articles, plurals, agreement, and clause structure reduce control.
Revise long sentences into complete clauses and systematically check articles, countable nouns, and subject-verb agreement.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
People attend colleges or universities for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge etc.). Why do you think people attend colleges or universities?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.