The bar chart below shows the results of a survey conducted by a personnel department at a major company. The survey was carried out on two groups of workers: those aged from 18-30 and those aged 45-60, and shows factors affecting their work performance.
Sample Response
The bar graph shows the results of a survey conductedsurvey which was conducted by a company and gives data on the important factors that affect work performancedetermine the work performance of employees. OverallAs is observed, the chance for personal developmentchances for personal development, relaxed working environment, opportunities for promotion and salary are the main motivating factors for younger employees' work performanceyoung people for their work performance while older employees'comparatively aged people's work performance is affected by the factors such asfactors like money, a competent boss andmoney, competent boss and team spirit. The young employees ranked 'chance for personal development' asput the 'chance for personal development' as the most important factor for work performance and more than 80% of them consider thisconsider this as the most important factor for better performance at workworks. Relaxed working environment, promotion prospects and money are three other important factors for this group's performancethree other important factors for performance for this age group. The employees of the young group place the work environment, job security and respects from colleagues are the least preferred reasons for performance. By contrastOn the contrary, employees aged 45-60 consideremployees between 45 and 60, consider money and team spirit as two of the most important factorstwo most important issue for their performance. Job security, relaxed working environment and work environment affect this group the least. Interestingly, the issues which are preferred by the same percentage of both age groups of employees are team spirit (60%), competent boss (50%) and job satisfaction (50%).
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response identifies the main priorities for both age groups and accurately highlights the factors receiving similar ratings, giving the reader a strong overall understanding of the survey. Its main limitation is recurrent awkward grammar and repetitive wording, while the single-paragraph structure makes the many factors harder to compare. The priority is to group shared preferences and major age differences systematically and support them with selective percentages.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The principal preferences, least influential factors, and similar ratings across the two age groups are accurately selected and well covered.
Add a few contrasting percentages for the largest age differences, particularly personal development, relaxation, promotion, and job security.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response moves logically from an overview to the younger group, older group, and shared ratings, though all content is placed in one paragraph.
Use separate detail paragraphs for the strongest contrasts and the factors with similar ratings, reducing repeated references to work performance.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate for priorities and motivation, but phrases such as 'comparatively aged people', 'respects from colleagues', and 'preferred reasons' are unnatural.
Use precise terms such as 'older workers', 'respect from colleagues', 'rated as important', and 'influential factor'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of sentence structures conveys the comparisons, but agreement, article, plural, and clause-construction errors occur regularly.
Correct patterns such as 'two important issues', 'performance at work', and 'young employees ranked these factors as least important'.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The bar chart below shows the results of a survey conducted by a personnel department at a major company. The survey was carried out on two groups of workers: those aged from 18-30 and those aged 45-60, and shows factors affecting their work performance.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.