The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status.
Sample Response
The bar chart compares the duration of time that men and women with different occupation statuses dedicated to leisure activities in a usual week based on an average between 1998 and 1999. A glance at the graph reveals that unemployed and retired people had more spare time to enjoy than that of others.
It is clear that unemployed and retired people enjoyed far more free time for their recreational activities than others. In addition, an important fact to mention is that men had more available time to enjoy than women did.
The total time spent for leisure activities by jobless and retired men were very similar, 84 and 83 hours per week respectively, while women spent about 78 hours per week on both statuses. Full time employed men had about 44 hours free time weekly and women in this category had approximately 38 hours per week. Women who had a part-time job enjoyed 40 hours per week spending on pleasure pursuits. Housewives had 10 hours more, totalizing 50 hours a week for their recreational activities. No information regarding part-time employed and home staying men was given.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use standard category term Original: occupation Suggested revision: employment Why it matters: Employment status is the standard term for the categories shown.
- 2. Describe period accurately Original: based on an average between 1998 and 1999 Suggested revision: in a typical week in 1998–99 Why it matters: The chart presents weekly leisure time for 1998–99, rather than an average between two separate years.
- 3. Remove faulty comparison Original: had more spare time to enjoy than that of others Suggested revision: had more spare time than the other groups Why it matters: The pronoun phrase “that of others” does not compare correctly with people.
- 4. Fix employment phrase Original: Full time employed men Suggested revision: Men employed full time Why it matters: The revised phrase uses a grammatical postmodifier for employment status.
- 5. Fix time expression Original: 40 hours per week spending on pleasure pursuits Suggested revision: 40 hours of leisure per week Why it matters: The original participial phrase does not attach grammatically to “enjoyed.”
- 6. State comparison explicitly Original: 10 hours more Suggested revision: 10 hours more than part-time employed women Why it matters: Naming the comparison group makes the relationship between 40 and 50 hours explicit.
- 7. Use natural reporting verb Original: totalizing Suggested revision: totalling Why it matters: “Totalling” is the natural verb for expressing the resulting weekly figure.
- 8. Use precise category label Original: home staying men Suggested revision: male homemakers Why it matters: “Male homemakers” is a concise and natural label for the absent category.
- 9. Remove redundant wording Original: duration Suggested revision: amount Why it matters: “Duration” already refers to time, so the original phrase is unnecessarily repetitive.
- 10. Use natural chart wording Original: dedicated to leisure activities Suggested revision: spent on leisure activities Why it matters: “Time spent on” is the standard collocation for reporting this measure.
- 11. Use standard time phrase Original: usual Suggested revision: typical Why it matters: “Typical week” is the conventional expression for an average weekly pattern.
- 12. Tighten comparison wording Original: far more free time for their recreational activities than others Suggested revision: considerably more leisure time than the other groups Why it matters: The revision is more concise and names the comparison target clearly.
Suggested Rewrites
- occupation employment
- based on an average between 1998 and 1999 in a typical week in 1998–99
- had more spare time to enjoy than that of others had more spare time than the other groups
- Full time employed men Men employed full time
- 40 hours per week spending on pleasure pursuits 40 hours of leisure per week
- 10 hours more 10 hours more than part-time employed women
Why this response received Band 7.5
Accurate selection of the main patterns and figures, supported by a clear comparison between male and female leisure time, is the response’s strongest feature. The main limitation is repetitive overview material and several awkward or imprecise expressions that reduce fluency. The highest-priority improvement is to state the overview once, then present the detailed comparisons with more natural collocations and consistently accurate grammar.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response presents a clear overview and accurately reports the principal figures and gender comparisons across the employment groups.
Make the overview more concise by stating each main pattern once and reserving numerical support for the detail paragraph.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information progresses logically from the general patterns to grouped details, although the first two paragraphs repeat the same overview point.
Combine the repeated overview statements into one focused paragraph and use the saved space for sharper grouping of the figures.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a good range of topic vocabulary, but phrases such as “occupation statuses,” “spent for leisure activities,” and “totalizing” are awkward.
Use more natural combinations such as “employment categories,” “time spent on leisure,” and “amounting to 50 hours.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex structures is used with generally good control, though agreement and phrasing errors occur in several sentences.
Check subject-verb agreement and noun-phrase construction, especially in sentences where the subject is “time” rather than the people described.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.