The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.
Sample Response
The provided illustration reveals data about the proportions of people aged 65 and overpercentages of people who were elderly in three countries. This research was conducted to looking further information in three different nations; they were Japan, Sweden and the USAJapan, Sweden and USA. All of the samples were aged 65 and over, whereas, the data provide a view in the long term which is 100 years.
Firstly, older population in Sweden and USA had a small difference in 1940 because they were both approximately 10% of the total population. These countries had a general increasesteady improvement for several years in the proportions of older peoplein terms of their number of elderly people. Meanwhile, they are predicted to have a similar result in 2040; their elder generation will rise around 25% in that year.
Secondly, Japan was positionedposition as the country with the lowest proportionlowest ranked nation in 1940 which had fewer older peopleless old people than the other two countries. Over the periodyear, Japan will have the largest proportion of olderelder people in the future. According to the given figures, Japan will experiencenotice an increase fromin 2020 to 2040 in terms of its proportion of older peopletheir elder generation proportion. Japan will therefore haveIt will put Japan to have an aged population with more than 25%.
Lastly, all of the nations will have a higher proportionmore proportion of elderly people in the coming years Deletewhich indicate the enhanced life expectancy.
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response identifies the overall rise in ageing populations and correctly recognises Japan’s eventual lead, while its country-based structure remains easy to follow. However, coverage is too general and sometimes inaccurate, overlooking Japan’s early decline and long stability, Sweden’s fluctuation, and the United States’ extended plateau; frequent grammatical and collocational errors also weaken precision. Prioritise selecting these defining trends and supporting them with accurate dates and figures before refining sentence control.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The report conveys the eventual overall rise and Japan’s leading position in 2040, but it omits or misrepresents several major intermediate trends and provides few precise figures.
Describe Japan’s fall and long low plateau, Sweden’s fluctuations, and the United States’ later plateau using accurate years and approximate percentages.
Coherence and Cohesion
The country-based paragraphs provide broadly clear progression, though mechanical sequencing and a weakly placed final overview limit cohesion.
Place a concise overview after the introduction and organise the details around meaningful trend comparisons rather than Firstly, Secondly, and Lastly.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate for the topic, but frequent inaccurate collocations such as steady improvement, notice an increase, and more proportion reduce precision.
Build control of standard trend language, using phrases such as rose steadily, remained stable, and the proportion increased.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex forms communicates the main meaning, but errors in verb patterns, articles, agreement, and sentence construction occur frequently.
Practise forming accurate complex sentences, especially infinitive and participle patterns, subject–verb agreement, and comparative structures.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.