In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations.
Sample Response
Nowadays, humans' lifespan has improved significantlyhas significantly improved than before. This has created two major problems formade two major problems to people and communities, and I think two important solutions should be implemented to tackle them. To begin with, longevity has put pressure on government budgetsenhanced the governmental budgets. Clearly, older peopleelders need more supervision by the state authorities, including retirement pension, healthcare expenses, or housing for those who cannot afford their rent; however, other age groups need less fundinga less fund. For example, the administration only has to spend money on educationexpense on education for juveniles, and young people are healthieryoung are healthier than the former. To solve this issue, governments have to increaseescalate their budget to improve seniors' quality of life by increasing taxes on propertyvia increasing taxes paid by properties or businesses. This means the more citizens and business owners pay in taxesthe more citizens and businesspersons pay higher taxes, the more they will earn benefits during their retirement age. In this way, had the government of BC obtained more taxes from the local inhabitants, it would have had more savingssaving to raise old people's pensions. In addition, ageing may worsen the condition of unemployment. Obviously, retired individuals may not afford their daily spending, and they have to work even when they becomework even they become over sixty-five years old. However, many of them cannot compete with other age groups, especially those youngsters seeking the same job. Ageing makes humans more physically disabledmore disable physically, leading employers to preferleading employers prefer to hire others; therefore, communities would face more unemployed older peoplejobless seniors. To address this problem, governments should assist these olderaged citizens by prioritising them in some appropriate careers. Definitely, this group of workersdwellers has a better experience in their profession they have been working inprofession they have been working, and the state authorities can use them in some appropriate situations. For instance, writers can be hired in the government press officesection of official press directed by the government. They have better capabilities to write articles or even publish the related journals in the regional newspapers. In conclusion, humans' lifespan is growing, and I believe that it can increase pressure on state fundsincline both the state funds and job positions needed for elders. To resolve thisthat the administration should increase the tax and improve the condition of employment for them.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response is strongest in identifying relevant pressures on public spending and employment and proposing taxes and suitable work as possible responses. Its main limitation is that several claims are not fully explained, while the single-paragraph presentation and frequent grammar and word-choice errors make the reasoning harder to follow. Prioritise separating each problem and solution into clear paragraphs, then explain the cause-and-effect link precisely in shorter, controlled sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay identifies relevant problems, including pressure on public budgets and employment issues for older people, and suggests higher taxes and suitable work opportunities. Some points are not fully convincing or clearly explained.
Separate individual and social problems more clearly, then explain how each measure reduces the impact of an ageing population.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is an overall structure from problem to solution, but the essay is presented as one long paragraph. The internal progression is understandable, yet paragraphing would make the argument much clearer.
Use separate paragraphs for introduction, budget problems and solution, employment problems and solution, and conclusion.
Lexical Resource
The response uses relevant vocabulary such as lifespan, retirement pension, healthcare expenses, unemployment, and appropriate careers. Several word choices are inaccurate and sometimes change the intended meaning.
Use precise collocations such as "increase pressure on government budgets", "older people", and "physically less able".
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are attempted, but grammar errors are frequent in comparison, articles, clauses, and word forms. These errors sometimes make the argument harder to follow.
Revise sentence patterns for comparison and cause-effect, and proofread each long sentence for a clear subject and main verb.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.