Cinema attendance in some countries is on the decline. What do you think are the causes of this development and what measures could be taken to solve it?
Sample Response
Entertainment is an important and essential tool in everyone’s life today. Cinema and music are the most effective means of relaxation and entertainment in people’s life. They relieve stressput off the stress of the people. After a hectic day in the office, one feels less burdenedburden off only when he watches the television or his favourite film. However, nowadays there is a decline in the number of people who watch filmsdecline in people who is watching cinemas in the theatre. There are some important reasons for this cause. I will illustrate them along with the measures to solve the issue in the following paragraphsphrases. In the first, the main cause for the decline in the number of people watching cinema is the rise of piracyarousal of piracy at peak level in the community. One feels that it is merely a waste of money to watch the film in the theatre when he can watch it for free or at a low price on a computer or on televisionin the computer or in television by using the pirated DVD or CD. Secondly, people find it boring to watch the same routine stories; there are no new concepts and new messages being conveyed by the cinema. People nowadays are very busy with their daily life. Many of them prefer to stay at home to relax rather than watchwatching a movie on the weekends. However, there are also reasons like the risingraised prices of the cinema tickets wherein people of all classes cannot afford it. However, measures like strict government rules for the eradication of piracyeradication of the piracy must be implemented; shutting down internet centresseizing off the internet centres and other online centres for selling the pirated DVDs and CDs. Film industry must come up with new innovative concepts showing the advancement in technology, the life history of great leaders, historical stories and stories relating to the women'swoman development and empowerment. Cinemas must show the reflection of the real life along with the entertainment they provide us. Furthermore, expense on film tickets must be liberalised so that everyone can watch the film. In addition, quality of the movies should be raised and there must be some standards set for the movies so that people of all the age groups feel comfortableage group film comfortable to watch it. To conclude, the above-mentioned reasons are causes for the decline in the people watching movies. However, there are also remedies which I hope that the authority will look after.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response’s strongest feature is its relevant range of causes and possible measures, including piracy, repetitive films, limited leisure time, and ticket costs. Its main limitation is that these ideas are unevenly developed within one long paragraph, with repetitive linking and frequent language errors weakening clarity. The highest-priority improvement is to organise causes and matched solutions into distinct paragraphs, explaining how each practical measure would raise attendance.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay addresses both causes and measures, identifying piracy, repetitive stories, busy lifestyles, and ticket prices, then proposing stricter rules, better films, and cheaper tickets. The coverage is relevant but uneven, and some remedies are vague or unrealistic.
Choose the two strongest causes and match each with a practical measure, explaining exactly how the measure would increase cinema attendance.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has an overall cause-solution sequence, but it is written as one long paragraph and contains repeated transition words such as however. This weakens progression and makes the argument harder to scan.
Use separate paragraphs for introduction, causes, solutions, and conclusion, and avoid starting several nearby sentences with the same linker.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate for entertainment, piracy, theatres, ticket prices, and film quality. However, several collocations are inaccurate or informal, such as put off the stress, arousal of piracy, following phrases, and liberalised expenses.
Use natural phrases such as "relieve stress", "rise of piracy", "following paragraphs", "reduce ticket prices", and "improve film quality".
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The essay is generally understandable, with some complex sentences. Errors with agreement, prepositions, articles, and word forms are frequent, especially in longer sentences.
Check subject-verb agreement and prepositions in every sentence, and split long cause-solution sentences into shorter ones.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Cinema attendance in some countries is on the decline. What do you think are the causes of this development and what measures could be taken to solve it?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.