Cinema attendance in some countries is on the decline. What do you think are the causes of this development and what measures could be taken to solve it?
Sample Response
The creation of cinema has led it to become one of the major entertainment activities during the 20th century across the globe. However, the current trend indicates that the numbernumbers of people watching films in cinemas has declinedhave reduced in several nations. This essay will explainillustrate the causes of this change and will suggest some possible solutions.
It is apparent that work pressure is increasing day by day due to the competitive nature of the workplacecompetitive nature of employees. As people spend more time at their jobs, they have less time for entertainment. For instance, in Asian countries such as India and Singapore, employees work around 10 hours a day as mandated by their employers. In additionIn addition to that, they spend one to two hours1 to 2 hours on average commutingcommuting daily. They hardly get spare time to enjoy watching movies. Thus, it is obviousThus it is obvious that in some societies, people do not get enough opportunitiesopportunity to enjoy movies. This can be solved by restricting work to a maximum of 8 hours a day. Both governments and employersthe government and the employers should come up with a policy that ensures that the workforce is never exploited.
Another important reason why some citizens lack interest in going to cinemas is that movies focusis due to the movies focus on unimportant issues. For example, currently, most South Asian movies just gravitate towards generatingmaking revenue and place less emphasis ongive less importance to storylines or themes. After watching a film, there is nothing worth learning from itworth studying or accepting from it. By analysing how the film industry concentrates on the wrong aspects of movie making, it is clear why young peopleyouths are definitely distancing themselves from movies and switching to playing video games in some nations. One way to get rid of this problem is to improve on the aspects which people enjoy, such as storylines or themes. As audience interests differ from region to region, it is up to the regional film industry to identify local audience demandthe demand of their area.
As a conclusion, it is apparent that if some measures are taken by governments and industries, cinema attendance can definitely be increased. As a result, the industry can use this as a means of creating social awareness by incorporating important themes in the movies.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The essay directly covers both causes and solutions, and its paired cause-solution body paragraphs give the discussion a clear, logical shape. The main limitation is that some reasoning is asserted too broadly and several collocations are imprecise, while the conclusion partly shifts toward social awareness rather than synthesising the main proposals. Prioritise sharper causal explanation and a conclusion that accurately consolidates the developed ideas.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both parts of the task are answered with relevant, extended causes and corresponding measures, though some claims are broad and the final social-awareness point is insufficiently developed.
Explain the causal links more critically and make the conclusion summarise the two proposed remedies without introducing a new purpose for cinema.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically through two well-organised cause-solution paragraphs, with generally effective referencing and connective language despite some repetition.
Reduce repeated framing such as it is apparent and make the transition from each cause to its proposed solution more concise.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied enough to discuss employment, entertainment, and film production, but several word choices and collocations are awkward or inaccurate.
Refine expressions such as numbers of people have reduced, movies focus, and demand of their area into more natural academic collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A good range of complex sentence forms is used with generally strong control, and the remaining errors rarely impede meaning.
Proofread possessives, noun forms, and comparative structures to remove local errors such as movies focus and improve sentence precision.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Cinema attendance in some countries is on the decline. What do you think are the causes of this development and what measures could be taken to solve it?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.