Fatherhood ought to be emphasized as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
In today's society, both parents play's an equal role in the family life to bring up the children. It is important to share their responsibilities equally to help their child become a good citizenmake their child as a good citizen of tomorrow. Hence, I strongly agree with the statement that looking after the children is the shared responsibility of boththe partners. Firstly, in this advanced world, women are also as well educated as meneducated as men are and in some cases, women are even more talented than menrather more talented than the men. It paves the way for them to work as well and be the breadwinners of the family. Moreover, nowadays, because of the high cost of livingthe high living expense and also in order to meet the basic needs of the children such as food, clothes, housing, adequate education, and so onadequate education and so in, it has become necessaryit became mandatory for both parentsboth members of the family to work. Secondly, it is essential for a child to experience love and care from both their father and motherboth father and mother to develop good characterto attain a good character. The idea is that the father needs to find leisure time to spend with the child and make him/her energetic by teaching outside sports instead of computer games. Likewise, the mother needs to guide the child's behaviourtake care of the behaviour and should teach sound moral valuesgood morals of life. As a result, the child will become physically and emotionally healthyhealthy physically and emotionally. On the other hand, there are many children worldwide who livemany children in this world living with a single parent. Although they seem to be happier in publicin front of the society, there would be something they lack in their personal life. If they were given an opportunity to share their feelings, they would definitelydefinitely they will emphasise the valuepoint out the values of family relationships. For instance, they must be sure that they would have done better in their life if they were brought up in a loving family with both mother and father. To conclude, there is a saying that "Parents are the best role models for their children". Therefore, it is worth sharing parental responsibilitiesworth sharing their responsibilities among them to provide a brighter futureprovide brighter future for their children.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response answers the question directly, maintains a strong position in favour of shared parenting, and supports it with several relevant reasons about employment and children's development. Its effectiveness is reduced by presenting the whole essay as one paragraph and by recurring grammatical and collocational errors; the most important improvement is to divide the argument into purposeful paragraphs and edit each sentence for accurate, natural phrasing.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is sustained and supported with relevant ideas about dual incomes, parental influence, and children's emotional development, although some support is generalised.
Develop the strongest reasons with more precise explanation and avoid relying on unsupported assumptions about single-parent families.
Coherence and Cohesion
The sequence of ideas is easy to identify through logical signposting, but the absence of paragraph breaks seriously weakens the essay's organisational clarity.
Separate the introduction, each main reason, and the conclusion into distinct paragraphs with one central purpose each.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate for the topic and includes some useful less common expressions, but several awkward collocations and word choices reduce precision.
Replace unnatural phrases with standard academic combinations for living costs, childcare, outdoor activities, and family relationships.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex sentences communicates the argument clearly overall, but errors in agreement, articles, tense, and conditional forms recur.
Proofread each clause for subject-verb agreement and article use, then ensure conditional sentences keep consistent and accurate verb forms.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Fatherhood ought to be emphasized as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.