In many countries, schools have severe problems with student behaviour. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?
Sample Response
Aggressive student behaviour is a major cause forof concern in many countries. This essayarticle addresses the reasons behind such behaviour and the measures that can be taken to prevent it.
Violent student behaviour can be attributed to a bad family atmosphere, a competitive school environment and lifestyle/dietary habits. A student’s behaviour in society depends on the atmosphere at homedepends upon the atmosphere at his/her home. If the parents of a studentthe parents of student do not devote enough time to him or herdon not devote enough time for him/her, adolescents may become less disciplinedthe adolescent mind goes wayward. Research and study have shown that major acts of violence were committed by people who had an abusive mother or fatherpeople who have had abusive mother or father in their childhood. Another factor that influences student behaviour is the environment at school. A competitive and comparison-based education structure adds fuel to the fireadds fuel to fire. A final, less acknowledged factorThe last but less acknowledged factor in violent behaviour is their lifestyle/dietary habits. Excess meat consumption and a lack of adequate physical exercise resultslack of adequate physical exercise results in an unhealthy body and mind which leads to violent acts.
The behaviour of a student reflects the society we live in. Although violent student behaviour is a matter of grave concern, there are adequate and simple measures to prevent it. Parents and teachers must devote enough time for the student and understand his/her strengths and weaknesses. They must never compare one student with another. A great deal of emphasis must be placed by schools in physical activities like swimming, running and other sports. These help to channel students' energychannelize the great energy of the students in a better manner. Students should also be encouraged to take up activities like gardening and caring for domestic animals. These help in providing opportunities for them to appreciate nature and the other living creatures on this planet.
Violent student behaviour, although on the rise, can be addressed at the grass-roots levelpurged at the grass-root level if proper preventive measures are taken. The youth are the future of our society and it is our solemn duty to guide and make them compassionate human beings.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response is clearly organised and addresses both causes and solutions with relevant ideas about family life, school competition, and constructive activities. Its main limitation is that several causes, especially the claims about diet and meat consumption, are asserted rather than convincingly explained, while some language choices remain awkward. Prioritise developing the strongest causes in depth and linking each proposed solution directly to one of them.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay addresses both causes and solutions with relevant ideas about family environment, school competition, physical activity, and parental or teacher involvement. Some causes are asserted rather than convincingly explained, especially diet and meat consumption.
Develop the strongest two causes in more detail and make each solution clearly respond to one of those causes.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is well organised into introduction, causes, solutions, and conclusion. Progression is generally clear, though the causes paragraph becomes list-like and some transitions are mechanical.
Use clearer internal signposting inside the causes paragraph so each cause is introduced, explained, and linked to behaviour before moving on.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is generally appropriate and includes topic words such as aggressive behaviour, atmosphere, competitive environment, and preventive measures. However, several collocations and word forms are unnatural.
Revise common collocations such as cause for concern, devote time to, place emphasis on, and channel energy.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex sentences is used, but there are errors with articles, prepositions, agreement, and word forms. These do not usually block meaning.
Check articles before singular countable nouns and prepositions after verbs such as devote, depend, and place.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
In many countries, schools have severe problems with student behaviour. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.