In many countries, schools have severe problems with student behaviour. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?
Sample Response
Schooling is a platform that develops a student's personality. Unfortunately, problems created by aggressive student behaviour are on thea rise in several countries. This essay analyses the various causes and remedial actions that can be taken to prevent it.
The primary causePrimary cause of violent behaviour of students can be attributed to their social background. An individual constantly exposed to violence at home will tend to act in the same mannerthe same manner at school. Secondly, the school environmentschool environment plays a vital role in shaping a student's character. Modern education is based on competition and comparison. For example, schools conduct monthly examinations to assess students’ progressthe student's progress and as a result of this pressuredue to this they are subjected to undue stress that leads to acts of violence being committed at school.
Although the issue of student behaviour is a serious one, appropriate measures should be taken to eliminate the problems at the grassroots levelgrass-root level. Parents should create a harmonious environment at home where students have the freedomwhere a student has independence to express his views that can result in a drastic improvement in his or her behaviourin their behaviour outside the home. Schools must revamp their education system to create a less competitive learning environmenta non-competitive way of learning which will result in a healthy ecosystem where individual talent is respected. There should be several ways of grading based on an individual’s talentbased on individual’s talent and not have a one-size-fits-alla one scale fits all grading system.
In conclusion, social conditions and the education systemsocial and education system, which are the major contributors to extreme behaviour of students can be curbedkerbed by placing right measures at home and school. Students are the future members of societyjewel of our society, and it is our responsibility to guide them in the right direction.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The essay presents a clear, relevant progression from causes of poor student behaviour to home- and school-based solutions, supported by a coherent four-paragraph structure and generally flexible language. Its main limitation is that some cause-effect claims and proposed measures lack precise development, while a few references and language choices are awkward. Strengthen the response by explaining each causal link and adding a practical implementation detail for every solution.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay answers both parts of the question with clear causes and solutions. The ideas are relevant and generally developed, though some claims about examinations and violence need fuller explanation and the solutions could be more practical.
Extend each main idea by explaining the cause-effect link more precisely and adding one practical implementation detail for each solution.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure is clear, and progression from causes to solutions is easy to follow. Cohesion is effective overall, but some referencing is imprecise and the final paragraph compresses several ideas.
Use clearer referencing for this issue, these behaviours, and these measures so the reader always knows what each pronoun refers to.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is flexible enough for the topic, with phrases such as social background, undue stress, and non-competitive way of learning. A few expressions are unnatural or misspelled, including are on a rise, grass-root level, and kerbed.
Polish collocations and avoid memorised metaphors when a direct academic phrase would be clearer.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The essay uses complex structures and is usually accurate, but errors with articles, prepositions, agreement, and relative clauses remain. These errors rarely obscure meaning.
Check article use before singular countable nouns and review agreement when the subject is a long noun phrase.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In many countries, schools have severe problems with student behaviour. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.