Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cell phone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
Sample Response
These days, surveillance technology is increasingly employed to monitor the speechthoughts and actions of citizens. The individuals who are being monitored are unaware that the surveillance is happening in most cases. Although it can increase security, I believe that there is a more serioussevere disadvantage as it can present a real threat to democracy.
The main benefit of monitoring individualsbiggest benefit of individuals being monitored is that it can improvethe fact that it can enhance security to ensure public safety. That is to say, surveillance technologies empower authorities to identify perpetrators, deter illegal activities, and most importantly, preventmost importantly prevent potential threats and thereby maintainpotential threats, and therefore maintain public safety. For example, the presence of close-circuit cameras in households can dissuade people from engaginginvolvement in criminal activities, such as vandalism or theft, knowing that they are under surveillance. However, I think that the threat to democracy posed by constant surveillance is a more serious concern.
The main drawback to omnipresentomnipresence surveillance is that it could pose a threat to democracy by restrictingshrinking freedom of expression. This is because it can drive individuals to self-censorship. Put simplyIn simple words, the constant surveillance of people without their consent or knowledge can inculcate a persistent feara sense of constant fear in citizens’ minds of being watchedof being watched constantly. ConsequentlyIn consequence, a person may voluntarily limit their self-expressionlimit his expression to prevent potential danger or scrutiny. Individuals may refrain from discussing sensitive issues, engaging in political activismdebating sensitive issues, involving in political activism, or stating dissenting views. In some countries, the omnipresence of monitoring systems inculcates fear among citizens that they fear to utter their true opinions. For this reason, I contend that constant surveillance of citizens, overall, has a detrimental effect on society and democracy.
To conclude, the main advantage of constant surveillance is that it helps deter criminal activities. However, I believe that the self-censorship is a more significant disadvantage. In light of this discussion, it is evident that it has more disadvantages than advantages.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response presents a clear comparative position and develops the democratic-risk argument particularly well through a logical explanation of self-censorship. Its main limitation is some repetitive wording and occasional awkward or imprecise phrasing, while the security example is less fully explored than the disadvantage. The highest-priority improvement is to sharpen collocations and develop the benefits with equally specific, convincing support.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response answers the comparison directly, maintains a clear position, and develops both sides, with the disadvantage explored more fully.
Develop the security benefit with the same depth and precision as the self-censorship argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through well-focused paragraphs, although repeated wording and some overexplicit linking slightly reduce fluency.
Use subtler referencing and reduce repetition of terms such as constant surveillance and fear.
Lexical Resource
A broad topic-specific vocabulary supports precise discussion, despite several awkward collocations and a few inaccurate word choices.
Refine collocations such as closed-circuit cameras, pervasive surveillance, and engaging in political activism.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A good range of complex structures is generally well controlled, with occasional article, preposition, and construction errors that do not impede meaning.
Check parallel verb forms and sentence constructions, especially after verbs such as refrain and phrases expressing cause and fear.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cell phone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.