Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cell phone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
Sample Response
In today’s modern world, technology has developed at a fast pace and undoubtedly, it brings a handful of benefits but at the same time, it still has disadvantages like making the monitoring of what people are saying and doing. The essay will examine both sides of the issue.
Modern technologyThe advanced technology nowadays makes people feel insecure because the tracking processas tracking process has become simpleis made to be simple for people to monitor their friends or family members. Those who are being monitored may not be aware ofmay not aware of that this is happening and this leads to some privacy issuesissues related to personal privacy arrived. For instance, we are constantly bombardedwe constantly bombarded with the news that some people usesome couples will use this technology to track their partnerscouples through electronic devicesthrough the electronic devices. Therefore, people may feel stressedstress as they are afraid of being the next target of being monitored by others through cell phone tracking.
Nevertheless, the advanceddeveloped technology does bring numerous advantages. To begin, this technology like security cameras can help to prevent crime from happening. Thus, the crime rate will be reduced. The police now useThe police nowadays like to use the security cameras wisely to monitor the would-be offenders and take effective action against themtake effective actions towards them immediately. On the other hand, this useful technology enables childrenenables the children to keep track ofwith their elderly parents to ensurefor the reason to ensure that they are safe. By using this technology intelligently, children can take immediate actions whenever their parents need help or are in dangerneed help or in danger. In other words, children can take care of their parents’ safety before things get worse. As a result, we can see that most of the children today will definitely buy their parents a smartphone with a tracking application installed.
In conclusion, I believe the advantages of this development do outweigh the disadvantages. Even though there is a negative impact on people'speople lives that is being monitored by others through cell phones, there are some benefits as well. Not forgetting to mention that a coin has both sides, if we can utilise this technology in an intelligent manner, we will surely benefitget benefited and our country will continue to prosper and flourish in the decades to come.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The essay gives a clear judgement and develops relevant benefits in crime prevention and elderly care while acknowledging privacy and anxiety as disadvantages. Its main limitation is that the claimed superiority of the benefits is asserted more than weighed, and frequent language errors weaken several explanations. Prioritise a direct comparison of social safety with privacy loss, supported by precise and credible examples.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both sides are relevantly discussed and the position is clear, but the conclusion does not fully explain why the identified benefits outweigh the privacy costs.
Compare the scale and conditions of public-safety benefits with the harm of non-consensual monitoring, then justify the final judgement explicitly.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is clearly paragraphed and progresses from privacy concerns to two benefits, though some linking is mechanical or inaccurately signals contrast.
Group the two advantages with additive transitions and use the conclusion to synthesise the comparison instead of repeating general claims.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts useful vocabulary for surveillance, privacy, crime, and care, but frequent inaccurate collocations reduce precision.
Use natural phrases such as 'tracking has become easy', 'privacy violations', 'experience stress', 'monitor potential offenders', and 'keep track of'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex forms is attempted, but frequent omissions, agreement errors, passive-form problems, and faulty clauses sometimes hinder readability.
Check every clause for a subject and finite verb, especially forms such as 'may not be aware', 'we are constantly bombarded', and 'need help'.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cell phone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.