Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18. Some psychologists claim that the basic reason for this is that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this option?
Sample Response
Some experts attribute the recent rise in violent crimeupsurge of violent crime rate among juveniles under 18 to the lack of social and emotional guidanceknowledge received from their families and schools. From my perspectiveperspectives, however, those young offendersimmature violent criminals not only receive insufficient guidanceget insufficient learning but are also negatively affectedbut also are negatively affected by computer games.
Apparently, the fact that adults allow children to do as they pleaseleave children get away with themselves is one of the factors that causecauses youngsters to get involvedyoungsters get involved in violent crime. In practice, many parentsmany couples of parents often shift responsibility for teachingtheir responsibility of teaching their children ontoon teachers’ shoulders although children spend much of their time at homethough a large fraction of time children spend at home. Such parents’ irresponsibility is likely to expose childrenget children exposed to social evils including violence. In addition, at schools, many teachersnot a few lecturers emphasizeemphasize on students’ academic performance rather than their moral developmentbut their morality. As a result, students appear to encounter no barrier to involve fightings.
Similarly, the indulgence in computer games poses serious psychological harmuntold hidden mental hazards in children’s mindsmentality in various aspects. In fact, nowadays numerous computer games contain violent scenesbrutal shots. Such violent elements seem to get teenagers accustomed to disturbances, thereby excite their uncontrollable behaviors. Besides, violent games are prone to create both actual and potential rivals among players. Consequently, young players who are hungry for success will fall out and even fight to each other eventually.
In sum, violence crime among youngster seems to become an increasingly annoying issue nowadays. Both parents and teachers should take proactive measures to curb this problem by paying more attention to nurture their children and hindering them from getting access to violent computer games.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response establishes a clear partial-disagreement position and organises two relevant causes in a straightforward progression. Its main limitation is frequent inaccurate word choice and grammar, which makes several explanations awkward or momentarily unclear despite an understandable overall message. The highest-priority improvement is to revise common verb patterns, noun forms, and collocations so that the causal reasoning is expressed precisely and reliably.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses the proposed cause and adds a relevant alternative, but the explanations are sometimes general, simplistic, or insufficiently substantiated.
Develop each causal claim with a specific, credible example and explain more clearly how it leads to violent behaviour.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure and overall progression are clear, although some internal links are mechanical and a few sentences interrupt the logical flow.
Use cohesive devices more selectively and make each sentence explicitly advance the paragraph's central cause.
Lexical Resource
There is a reasonable attempt at varied vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word forms reduce precision and naturalness.
Prioritise accurate common combinations such as 'violent crime,' 'get involved in fights,' and 'pay attention to nurturing children.'
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts complex structures, but frequent errors in verb patterns, agreement, articles, and noun forms sometimes obscure meaning.
Review verb complementation and sentence structure, especially patterns after 'cause,' 'allow,' 'emphasise,' and 'prevent.'
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18. Some psychologists claim that the basic reason for this is that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this option?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.