The graph below shows usual water usage (in millions of cubic meters) by industries in some countries in a year.
This response is estimated at Band 6.5. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
The graph provides a visual representation of the usual water usage by various industries, namely fuel, foods and drinks, machinery, metal, chemicals, paper and textiles, in several countries over a year.
Overall, chemicals accounted for the largest consumption of ground water and public water supplyground and public water supply, while fuel had the lowest usageuptake.
Chemicals had the highest usage of ground water, 430 million cubic metersexactly 430 million cubic meters, which was followed by metal and paper, at 240 and 190290 million cubic meters respectively. Foods and drinks used 110 million cubic meters of ground water. Textiles and fuel had the lowest levelsshare of consumption, at 80 and 70 million cubic meters.
Regarding the public water supply, chemicals led with exactly 240 million cubic meters, whichwith was closely followed by foods and drinks with 190 million cubic meters. Machinery and metal consumedreported the public supply usage at 100 and 90 million cubic meters respectively. Paper used 20 million cubic meters, which was followed by fuelwhich was by fuel and textiles with equal consumptionsimilar consumptions, 10 million cubic meters.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response effectively categorizes data into clear sections and provides an accurate overview of key trends. However, minor errors in data reporting and a few grammatical lapses detract from the overall precision. Proofreading figure values and checking sentence construction will help elevate the clarity of the report.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
Key features are highlighted with a clear overview, though there is a data inaccuracy regarding paper usage and an omission of machinery in the ground water section.
Ensure all numerical data is cross-checked carefully against the visual chart before finalizing the response.
Coherence and Cohesion
The overview and paragraph structure create a logical progression that makes the description easy to follow.
Maintain this clear, feature-based organization while ensuring smooth transitions between listed data points.
Lexical Resource
A good variety of vocabulary is used flexibly to describe amounts, rankings, and categories of water consumption.
Continue using a broad range of data descriptors while maintaining precision in academic collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of complex structures is attempted, but minor grammar errors and missing words occur in descriptive clauses.
Proofread relative clauses and passive verb structures to eliminate small grammatical slips like omitted words.