The graph below shows usual water usage (in millions of cubic meters) by industries in some countries in a year.
Sample Response
The provided bar graph compares the water consumptions of seven different industries in a year in several countries. These industries use both the ground water and the public supply water and it is evident that the chemical industry requires the highest quantity of water while fuel and textile industries use the lowest quantity of water. As is obvious from the illustration, the highest water consumption of both ground and supply water is done by the chemical industry – 430 and 240 million cubic metre ground and supply water respectively. The metal production uses the second largest quantity of ground water, 240 million m3 while their supply water consumption is lower than food and drink industry. Machinery and food/ drink industries use more public supply water than the ground water. The water spendings by the fuel and textile industries seem to the lowest with 70 and 80 million m3 ground water and 10 million supply water for each industry.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use uncountable noun Original: consumptions Suggested revision: consumption Why it matters: Consumption is uncountable when referring generally to the amount of water used.
- 2. Remove redundant word Original: seven different industries Suggested revision: seven industries Why it matters: Different is unnecessary because the chart already lists seven distinct industries.
- 3. Correct both construction Original: both the ground water Suggested revision: both groundwater Why it matters: Both should directly coordinate groundwater and public-supply water without the first article.
- 4. Use consistent term Original: the public supply water Suggested revision: public-supply water Why it matters: This compound form clearly identifies water obtained from the public supply.
- 5. Use precise measure Original: requires the highest quantity Suggested revision: uses the greatest volume Why it matters: Volume is the precise measure for water expressed in cubic metres.
- 6. Add definite article Original: while fuel and textile industries Suggested revision: while the fuel and textile industries Why it matters: The definite article is needed because these are specific industries shown in the chart.
- 7. Use neutral phrasing Original: As is obvious from the illustration Suggested revision: As shown in the chart Why it matters: The revision reports the visual evidence in a more neutral academic style.
- 8. Use plural unit Original: metre Suggested revision: metres Why it matters: The measurement unit must be plural after a number greater than one.
- 9. Clarify measured quantities Original: ground and supply water respectively Suggested revision: of groundwater and public-supply water, respectively Why it matters: The preposition and comma make the two figures correspond grammatically to the two water sources.
- 10. Name the industry Original: production Suggested revision: industry Why it matters: Metal industry is the appropriate label for the chart category.
- 11. Punctuate contrast Original: 240 million m3 while Suggested revision: 240 million m³, while Why it matters: A comma is required before while when it introduces a contrasting clause.
- 12. Fix pronoun agreement Original: their supply water consumption Suggested revision: its public-supply water consumption Why it matters: The singular subject metal industry requires the singular possessive pronoun its.
Suggested Rewrites
- consumptions consumption
- seven different industries seven industries
- both the ground water both groundwater
- the public supply water public-supply water
- requires the highest quantity uses the greatest volume
- while fuel and textile industries while the fuel and textile industries
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response presents a clear overview and accurately selects several strong comparisons, especially the dominance of chemicals and the low use by fuel and textiles. Its main limitation is incomplete coverage because the paper industry is omitted, while recurring awkward phrases and grammatical errors reduce fluency. Prioritise including every category at least once and use precise expressions for quantities, sources, and industrial water consumption.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The overview and reported figures are accurate and highlight the main extremes and several useful comparisons, though one industry is omitted.
Include paper's substantial groundwater use of 190 million cubic metres and contrast it with its public supply of only 20 million.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information progresses logically from the overview to the highest, middle, and lowest users, but the entire report is presented as one paragraph.
Separate the overview from detail paragraphs that group high groundwater users and industries relying more on public supply.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary conveys the comparisons, but repetition and awkward forms such as 'water consumptions' and 'water spendings' limit naturalness.
Use 'water consumption', 'groundwater use', 'public-supply water', and 'consumed the smallest amount'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning remains clear, but article use, agreement, pronoun reference, and sentence construction contain frequent errors.
Correct forms such as 'the metal industry uses', 'its public-supply consumption', and 'seem to be the lowest'.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below shows usual water usage (in millions of cubic meters) by industries in some countries in a year.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.