The graph below shows usual water usage (in millions of cubic meters) by industries in some countries in a year.
This response is estimated at Band 7.5. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
The bar chart illustratesThe graph provides a visual representation of the usual water usage by various industries, namely fuel, foods and drinks, machinery, metal, chemicals, paper and textiles, in several countries over a year.
Overall, chemicals accounted for the largest consumption of ground and public water supply, while fuel had the lowest consumptionuptake.
Chemicals had the highest usage of groundwater, at 430ground water, exactly 430 million cubic meters, which was followed by metal and paper, at 240 and 190 million cubic meters respectively. Foods and drinks used 110 million cubic meters of groundwater, while machinery consumed the smallest volume at only 10 million cubic meters, followed by fuel and textiles at 70 and 80 million cubic meters respectively.ground water. Textiles and fuel had the lowest share of consumption, at 80 and 70 million cubic meters.
Turning to the public water supply, chemicalsRegarding the public water supply, chemicals led with exactly 240 million cubic meters, which was followed byclosely followed by foods and drinks with 190 million cubic meters. Machinery and metal recorded publicreported the public supply usage ofat 100 and 90 million cubic meters respectively. Paper used 20 millionmillio cubic meters, which was followed by fuel and textiles with similar consumption levelsconsumptions, 10 million cubic meters.
Why this response received Band 7.5
The report effectively presents data from the graph with a clear overall overview and logical organisation by water source. The main limitation is the omission of the ground water figure for the machinery industry, alongside a minor spelling typo. To improve, ensure every category's key figures for both metrics are systematically included and thoroughly proofread.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
A clear overview is provided, and key data points are largely reported accurately, though ground water consumption for machinery was omitted.
Ensure all categories shown in the graph are fully covered across both data series without leaving out minor details.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically grouped into distinct body paragraphs by water source, maintaining a natural flow and clear progression.
Continue using well-structured paragraphing while varying transitional phrases between comparing data points.
Lexical Resource
A good variety of vocabulary is used to describe rankings and measurements, despite a minor spelling error in one instance.
Proofread carefully to eliminate small typos such as missing letters in numeric units.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Sentences demonstrate a strong command of grammar with a mix of complex structures and high accuracy throughout.
Maintain this high standard of grammatical control by continuing to vary comparative complex structures.