The graph below shows usual water usage (in millions of cubic meters) by industries in some countries in a year.
Sample Response
The provided bar graph compares the average ground and supply water consumptions in seven different industries in several countries in a year. In general, those industries use more groundwater than supply water and the chemical industry is the highest water consumer. Looking at the details, the chemical industry requires about 430 million cubic meters of ground water and 240 million cubic meters of public supply water. This figure is accounted as almost twice higher than other industries, for instances, meal/beverages, metal and paper manufacturers utilise only 110, 240, and 190 million m3 of ground water and in addition, 190, 90 and 20 million m3 of public supply water every year respectively. Metal and paper industries are reckoned as almost half and one-twelveth water users respectively than the chemical industry. In contrast, fuel and textiles industries utilise the same amount of water and they are the lowest water consumers with pertaining figures of 70 and 80 million m3 per year of ground water respectively and with the similar quantity of public supply water of 10 million m3. Finally, the machinery industry consumes the least ground water of 10 million m3 and 100 million m3 public supply water which is slightly higher than the public supply water use of the metal industry.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use uncountable noun Original: average ground and supply water consumptions Suggested revision: groundwater and public-supply water consumption Why it matters: Consumption is uncountable in this general comparison, and the water-source terms need clearer forms.
- 2. Clarify chart scope Original: seven different industries in several countries in a year Suggested revision: seven industries in some countries over one year Why it matters: This wording reports the stated scope more concisely and accurately.
- 3. Report observed use Original: requires Suggested revision: uses Why it matters: The graph reports water use and does not show how much water the industry requires.
- 4. Clarify the reference Original: This figure Suggested revision: The chemical industry's total water use Why it matters: The singular reference is unclear because two chemical-industry figures precede it.
- 5. Fix comparison form Original: is accounted as almost twice higher than other industries Suggested revision: was more than twice that of any other industry Why it matters: The revised comparative structure is grammatical and accurately compares total use.
- 6. Link the example Original: for instances, meal/beverages, metal and paper manufacturers utilise Suggested revision: while the food/drinks, metal and paper industries used Why it matters: This revision corrects the fixed expression, subject labels, and clause connection.
- 7. Remove redundant linker Original: and in addition, Suggested revision: and Why it matters: Using both the conjunction and the additive linker is redundant within this paired list.
- 8. Remove repeated timing Original: every year respectively Suggested revision: respectively Why it matters: The reporting period has already been established, so repeating it obscures the paired values.
- 9. Correct comparative values Original: are reckoned as almost half and one-twelveth water users respectively than Suggested revision: used almost one-half and one-third as much water, respectively, as Why it matters: The totals for metal and paper are about one-half and one-third of the chemical-industry total, not one-twelfth.
- 10. Fix industry labels Original: fuel and textiles industries Suggested revision: the fuel and textile industries Why it matters: The coordinated singular industry labels require the article and the attributive form textile.
- 11. Correct unequal totals Original: utilise the same amount of water Suggested revision: have similar total water use Why it matters: Fuel totals 80 million m3 and textiles 90 million m3, so their use is similar rather than identical.
- 12. Identify both rankings Original: the lowest water consumers Suggested revision: the two lowest water consumers Why it matters: Fuel and textiles are the lowest and second-lowest industries by combined use.
Suggested Rewrites
- average ground and supply water consumptions groundwater and public-supply water consumption
- seven different industries in several countries in a year seven industries in some countries over one year
- requires uses
- This figure The chemical industry's total water use
- is accounted as almost twice higher than other industries was more than twice that of any other industry
- for instances, meal/beverages, metal and paper manufacturers utilise while the food/drinks, metal and paper industries used
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response covers all seven industries, identifies chemicals as the largest user, and supports the description with many relevant figures. Its effectiveness is reduced by inaccurate comparisons, especially the claim that fuel and textiles use the same amount and the unclear one-twelfth comparison, while frequent awkward phrasing weakens precision. Prioritise checking every comparison against the chart and expressing ratios in simple, accurate sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The overview identifies the main pattern and all industries are covered, but several comparisons are inaccurate or unclear.
Correct the fuel-textiles comparison and replace the misleading one-twelfth claim with a chart-supported comparison.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report follows a generally understandable sequence, but a single dense paragraph and awkward referencing weaken progression.
Separate the overview from two detail paragraphs grouped by high and low water use.
Lexical Resource
There is an adequate range of topic and comparison vocabulary, but frequent collocational errors reduce precision.
Prefer natural phrases such as consumes, approximately twice as much as, and food and drinks industry.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses both simple and complex structures, although errors in articles, comparison forms, agreement, and sentence construction recur.
Use shorter comparison sentences and check article use and comparative structures systematically.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below shows usual water usage (in millions of cubic meters) by industries in some countries in a year.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.