The graph below shows usual water usage (in millions of cubic meters) by industries in some countries in a year.
This response is estimated at Band 5.5. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
The graph provides a visual representation of the usual water usage by various industries in several countries over a year.
Overall, chemicals accounted for the largest consumption of ground and public water supply, while Deletethe fuel had the lowest uptake.
Chemicals had the highest usage of ground water, exactlyexacly 430 million cubic meters,430 million of cubic meters, which was followed by metal and paper, at 240 and 190290 million of cubic meters respectively. FoodFoods and drinks used 110 million cubic meters of ground water.110 million of cubic meters of ground water. Textiles and fuel had the lowest share of consumption, at 80 and 70consumption, 80 and 70 million of cubic meters.
Regarding the public water supply, chemicals led with exactlyexaclty 240 million250 millions of cubic meters, whichwith was followed by food and drinks with 190 million cubic meters.110 millions of cubic meters. Machinery and metal reported the public supply usage at 100 and 90 million cubic meters respectively.90 millions of cubic meters respectively. Paper used 20 millionmillios of cubic meters, which was followedsolloed by fuel and textiles with identical consumption figures of 10 million cubic meters each.similar consumptions, 10 millions of cubic meters.
Why this response received Band 5.5
The report effectively structures the comparison of water usage by separating the two water sources logically. However, the response is impacted by key data inaccuracies, such as misreading values for paper and public supply usage, alongside frequent spelling and grammatical errors. To improve, focus on double-checking chart figures before writing and reviewing pluralization and relative clause structures.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response identifies key trends and provides an overview, but several figure readings are inaccurate compared to the visual chart.
Verify all numeric data directly against the graph to ensure accurate data reporting.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically grouped into separate paragraphs for ground water and public supply, providing clear overall progression.
Use a wider range of linking devices beyond repetitive passive reporting structures to smooth transitions.
Lexical Resource
While adequate topic vocabulary is used, frequent spelling errors and incorrect phrase formations detract from word control.
Proofread carefully to fix typos and avoid using 'millions of' directly after specific numerical values.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Simple sentence patterns are generally clear, but errors in pronoun selection and quantifier structures occur regularly.
Practice forming correct relative clauses and placing correct unit modifiers after numbers.