The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040.
This response is estimated at Band 6.0. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
The line graph indicates the percentage of the populationpopulstion settling in urban areas in the Philippinesin Philippines, Malaysia, Thailand and Indonesia over the period of 50 years with predictions for the next 20 years.
Overall, the difference between the Philippines andPhillppines and Thailand had a trend of becoming wider. In addition, all four countries are projected to experience an increase in urban populations by 2040, with Malaysia recording the highest figures from 1990 onwards.Malaysia occupied the largest proportion almost the whole period.
The figure for Malaysia continued ana upward trajectory, in more detail, it experienced a steep growth from the startingstart point at nearly 30%. This increasing trend continued after a relativelyrelative smooth change in the 1980sin 1980s from 40% to 45%, then after 1990, Malaysia surpassed Phillippines to holdhole the largest percentage of population living in cities until 2020 at approximately 80%, with the prediction to continue growth. While Phillppines nearly has the same startpoint, it lost its leading position after 1990 with the figure of less than 45%. The proportion of Phillippines dropped slightly by 10%, although it started to increase in 2010, its percentage still remainedremain relatively stable, and as projected it will reach 50% in 2040.
Regarding Thailand and Indonesia, they had different patterns, while the started at a very similar levelvery similar level around 15%. Indonesia witnessed ana upward trend over the whole periodover all period, and only increased steadily in 1970s and 1990s, as projected to reach 60% byin the end of the period. As for Thailand, the percentage saw a drastic increasepercentage could be seen a drastic increase in the initial 2 decades, rising from 15% to nearly 30%. Then it experienced a 30-year period period of stabilityfluctudation, before being projectedbefore projected to continue to grow in 2020.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The report effectively covers key trends and comparative features across all four countries, supported by an adequate clear structure. However, there are minor factual inaccuracies regarding peak positions and frequent grammatical and mechanical errors, particularly run-on sentences and spelling lapses. Priority should be given to ensuring exact data interpretation and refining sentence boundaries with accurate punctuation.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
Key trends and overall increases are reported, though some minor numerical inaccuracies and misstatements about country rankings occur.
Verify trajectory crossings accurately against the visual prompt to ensure figures and trend statements are fully factual.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically grouped by country with clear paragraphing, though linking words are occasionally repetitive or mechanical.
Use varied cohesive devices and split long, multi-clause descriptions into distinct, well-connected sentences.
Lexical Resource
A sufficient range of vocabulary for describing trends is demonstrated, despite noticeable spelling mistakes and awkward word choices.
Proofread for proper nouns and technical vocabulary to eliminate recurring typos such as incorrect spelling of country names.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex sentence structures is used, but grammatical errors and comma splices occur frequently.
Ensure proper article usage and break up run-on sentences using full stops and appropriate conjunctions.