The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040.
This response is estimated at Band 6.0. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
The line graph illustratesdescribes data about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries from 1970 to 2020, with forecasts up to 2040four Asian countries between 1970 and 2040.
Overall, the percentage of the population living in cities in all four Asian countries increases, not onlyincrease and not only in the past but also in the futurein future. Specifically, the figure for Malaysiathis data in Malaysia sees the most significant growth. In contrast, those in Thailand and Indonesia show lower overall proportionsrise steadily.
The percentage of the population living in cities in Malaysia rose from roughly 30% in 1970 and is projected to reach over 80% by 2040goes up markedly from 30% to approximately 80% from 1970 to 2040. SimilarlyThen, a significant increase can be seen in the percentage of the population living in cities in Indonesialiving in Indonesia in cities moving from the lowest position to the second highestand it from the lowest position to second highest from about 15% to 60% at the same time.
There was a slight increase in the Philippines between 1970 and 1980fluctuation in this percentage in the Philippines from 1970 to 1980, after which it substantially jumped from roughly 32% to 50% and then it slowly dropped from 1990 to 2010, before ascending significantly and the line graph predictspredict it will reach roughly 55% in 2040reach around 50% in 2040. Finally, the percentage of the urban population in Thailandpopulation in Thailand in cities increased gently but noticeably from 19% to just over 30%, and the graph predictspredict there will be a sharp increasethere will see a steep increase in this data in the future.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response effectively highlights the main trends and provides a clear overview comparing urban population figures across all four countries. However, grammatical inaccuracies, particularly missing verbs and faulty sentence construction, occasionally disrupt the flow of writing. Focus on improving subject-verb agreement, tense control for future projections, and clause structure to elevate your score.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The report includes a clear overview and addresses the key trends and data points across the four nations.
Ensure all data readings are precise, such as noting that the Philippines is projected to reach over 50% rather than exactly 50% by 2040.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically organized into paragraph structure, though some transition phrases are slightly awkward.
Use clearer linking words to connect sentences smoothly without relying on repetitive starting phrases like 'then' or 'finally'.
Lexical Resource
A good variety of vocabulary is used to describe movement and changes, such as 'ascended' and 'markedly'.
Refine word choices to avoid awkward combinations, such as changing 'this data in Malaysia sees' to 'Malaysia experienced'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
While complex sentences are attempted, frequent errors in sentence structure and subject-verb agreement hinder grammatical control.
Practice checking for complete verb structures in complex clauses, ensuring correct subject-verb agreement like 'the graph predicts'.