The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040.
This response is estimated at Band 7.0. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
The line chart compares the proportion of people living in cities in the Philippines, Malaysia, Thailand and Indonesia over the period from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040.
Overall, it is clear that the percentages of residents living in cities in all four countries are projected to increase overall from 1970 to 2040. Malaysia accounted for the highest proportion for most of the periodMalaysia stands at the highest proportion for most of the period, and Indonesia had the lowest initial proportion but increased considerably between 1970 and 2040, while the Philippineswhile Philippines was the only nation showing periods of declinethe most unstable one with more pronounced fluctuations throughout the period.
In 1970We can see that at the beginning in 1970, people living in cities in four different countries stood at just over 30% in the Philippinesstood respectively approximately over 30% in Philippines as the highest, followed closely by Malaysian people at about 30%. The third and fourth were slightly under 20% in Thailand and considerably less than 20% in Indonesia. About 30 years after 1970, Malaysia increased sharply to aroundround 60% in 2000. Philippines rose markedly between 1980 and 1990increased immediately after 1980 and then decreased from 1990 till 2010.
In 2000, the percentage of urban residents in Thailand was equal to that of Indonesia, at just under 30%about slightly under 30%. Before this year, Thailand's figure was higher than Indonesia'sThailand was more than Indonesia, but after 2000, Indonesia overtook Thailand. In 2010, Indonesia intersected with that of thecrossed with Philippines and still rose dramatically. Regarding future projectionsRegarding further proportions, Malaysia will still havewill be still the highest percentage, with more than 80%, followed by Indonesia at slightly over 60% , and then the Philippines at over 50%and then Philippines at over 50%, and Thailand is predicted to reach exactly 50%Thailand will be the lowest at under 50%.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response effectively reports main trends, presents a clear overview, and offers relevant data comparisons across the four countries. However, minor inaccuracies in reading precise chart values and slight phrasing awkwardness limit the report's precision. To raise the writing standard, refine data reporting accuracy and polish prepositions and grammatical accuracy in complex structures.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
A clear overview is provided alongside effective comparisons and reporting of key trends throughout the period.
Ensure exact numerical references match the visual data precisely, such as distinguishing actual chart figures from approximations.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is organized logically across paragraphs with a clear overall progression.
Use a wider variety of natural cohesive devices instead of mechanical transition expressions like 'Regarding further proportions'.
Lexical Resource
A good range of vocabulary related to trends and proportions is used appropriately throughout the response.
Refine word choices and phrase combinations to avoid awkward usages such as 'crossed with' when describing intersecting lines.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex sentence structures is used with good general control over grammar and punctuation.
Eliminate small grammatical errors, particularly missing articles before country names and awkward word order in future passive constructions.