Companies should encourage employees who work in a high position to leave at the age of 55 in order to give opportunities to the new generation. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Sample Response
I totally disagree with the idea of high-level employees leaving at the age of 55 to make room for the upcoming generation. While it is true that the energy level and fresh ideas of youth can rejuvenate a company, the steady hand of experience can still best guide a company in most cases.
In English there is a saying, “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.” In the fast-paced world of business, bolstered by even faster hi-tech innovations, a younger more pliant mind would seem to be able to adapt with greater flexibility, while such an environment might boggle an older more set-in-its-ways mind. Take, for example, Microsoft’s Bill Gates, whose energy and brilliant insights as a youth helped him to pioneer new territory in the computer software world and establish a digital empire. Now as a more mature CEO, this king of the “computer” mountain is constantly on the verge of being knocked down by upcoming digeratti entrepreneurs. However, it is now the experience he has accumulated as an older man which keeps him on top. So, combining the vigour and innovation of younger workers with the experience of older workers would seem to be the winning hand in the world of business.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use academic emphasis Original: totally Suggested revision: strongly Why it matters: “Strongly disagree” conveys the same position in a more academic register.
- 2. Use precise wording Original: upcoming Suggested revision: younger Why it matters: “Younger generation” is the conventional expression for the group described.
- 3. Clarify the reference Original: the energy level and fresh ideas of youth Suggested revision: the energy and fresh ideas of younger workers Why it matters: This wording is more concise and identifies the relevant group directly.
- 4. Improve adverb placement Original: can still best guide a company Suggested revision: can still provide the best guidance to a company Why it matters: The revision avoids the awkward placement of “best” before the verb.
- 5. Use concise phrasing Original: In English there is a saying Suggested revision: There is an English saying Why it matters: The revision states the same idea more directly and naturally.
- 6. Use standard form Original: hi Suggested revision: high Why it matters: “High-tech” is the more standard form in formal written English.
- 7. Separate coordinate adjectives Original: a younger more pliant mind Suggested revision: a younger, more adaptable mind Why it matters: A comma separates the coordinate modifiers, and “adaptable” expresses the intended quality more clearly.
- 8. Separate coordinate adjectives Original: an older more set-in-its-ways mind Suggested revision: an older, less adaptable mind Why it matters: The comma separates the coordinate modifiers and the revision avoids the cumbersome personification.
- 9. Correct spelling and register Original: upcoming digeratti entrepreneurs Suggested revision: emerging digital entrepreneurs Why it matters: “Digeratti” is misspelled, and “digital entrepreneurs” is clearer for a general reader.
- 10. Avoid informal metaphor Original: the winning hand in the world of business Suggested revision: the most effective approach in business Why it matters: The revision preserves the claim in a more formal academic style.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: However, it is now the experience he has accumulated as an older man which keeps him on top. Suggested revision: However, the experience he has accumulated with age now helps to keep him at the top. Why it matters: The revision removes the awkward cleft structure and gives the relative idea a clear grammatical relationship.
- 12. Strengthen example progression Suggested revision: Separate the general comparison of younger and older minds from the Bill Gates example, then link the example explicitly to the final recommendation. Why it matters: The long paragraph moves through several stages without sufficiently clear structural boundaries.
Suggested Rewrites
- totally strongly
- upcoming younger
- the energy level and fresh ideas of youth the energy and fresh ideas of younger workers
- can still best guide a company can still provide the best guidance to a company
- In English there is a saying There is an English saying
- hi high
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response states a clear position and uses sophisticated language to explain how youthful innovation can complement senior experience. However, at 206 words it is substantially under length, and the single extended example does not fully develop why compulsory departure at 55 should be rejected; the priority is to add a distinct, well-supported reason and a concise conclusion that directly answers the policy proposal.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response gives a clear disagreement and a relevant rationale, but its under-length treatment relies mainly on one example and remains insufficiently developed.
Add another fully explained reason against compulsory retirement and finish with a direct conclusion on the age-55 proposal.
Coherence and Cohesion
The reasoning progresses clearly from acknowledging younger workers' strengths to arguing for the value of experience, with cohesive links used effectively.
Use a separate concluding paragraph and divide the long discussion so each main reason has a clearer structural role.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied, flexible, and often sophisticated, with effective idiomatic and business-related phrasing despite one spelling lapse.
Correct the spelling of specialized terms and avoid imagery that risks distracting from the precise argument.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex sentence forms is handled with strong accuracy and control throughout the response.
Sustain this accuracy in a longer response while varying the structure of extended sentences for maximum clarity.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Companies should encourage employees who work in a high position to leave at the age of 55 in order to give opportunities to the new generation. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.