Companies should encourage employees who work in a high position to leave at the age of 55 in order to give opportunities to the new generation. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Sample Response
Unemployment is one of the leading problems in many overpopulated countries. Owing to this, few companies offer voluntary retirement services to the staff members above the age of 55. I strongly agree with the given statement. Offering positions for younger generation has major benefits. Firstly, the young people work faster, stronger than the elders, who are weaker and slower at work. Just as the companies which are based on labour work require stronger and healthy labourers. Secondly, they are competitive and creative work sectors which enable the projects to grow at a faster pace. Such as in IT companies most of the employees are under 55. Lastly, the selection of new personnel can reduce the problem of unemployment to some extent. However, on the other hand, it is argued that older generation should be allowed to extend their services. They have experiences in particular kinds of work, in which the new staff may lack knowledge and proper experiences. For instance, many businesses require experience in particular field to compete with the opponents and they prefer experienced and aged people. Next, it could be insensible to terminate the honest and worthy members. Therefore most of them would like to continue with the old workers. Finally, they serve as the best resource of knowledge and skills, which is essential for the community survival. Overall, it is clear that elderly contributes a lot to the companies. However, they cannot be extended to work for longer times. Therefore I believe that older generation needs to be replaced by the youth.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use retirement collocation Original: services Suggested revision: schemes Why it matters: Scheme is the natural term for an organized retirement arrangement.
- 2. Use concise age phrase Original: above Suggested revision: over Why it matters: Over is the natural preposition for ages beyond a threshold.
- 3. Add definite article Original: positions for younger generation Suggested revision: positions for the younger generation Why it matters: The generational group requires the definite article the.
- 4. Remove general article Original: the young people work Suggested revision: young people work Why it matters: Young people is a general plural group and does not take the definite article here.
- 5. Use workplace group term Original: than the elders Suggested revision: than older employees Why it matters: Older employees is more precise and neutral in this employment context.
- 6. Use recruitment term Original: selection Suggested revision: recruitment Why it matters: Recruitment accurately names the process of bringing new staff into a company.
- 7. Make claim concise Original: reduce the problem of unemployment Suggested revision: reduce unemployment Why it matters: The shorter phrase communicates the same outcome directly.
- 8. Remove doubled contrast Original: However, on the other hand Suggested revision: However Why it matters: Both expressions mark contrast, so using them together is redundant.
- 9. Add generational article Original: older generation should be allowed Suggested revision: the older generation should be allowed Why it matters: The named generational group requires the definite article.
- 10. Use employment phrase Original: extend their services Suggested revision: continue working Why it matters: Continue working is the natural expression for remaining in employment.
- 11. Use uncountable experience Original: experiences Suggested revision: experience Why it matters: Experience is uncountable when referring to accumulated professional knowledge.
- 12. Use concise field term Original: particular kinds of work Suggested revision: particular fields Why it matters: Fields concisely names specialized areas of work.
Suggested Rewrites
- services schemes
- above over
- positions for younger generation positions for the younger generation
- the young people work young people work
- than the elders than older employees
- selection recruitment
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response states a clear preference for replacing older senior employees and offers relevant benefits involving productivity, innovation, and reduced youth unemployment, while also recognising the value of experience. Its main limitation is shallow and stereotyped development, reinforced by sentence fragments and frequent inaccurate wording; prioritise one credible workplace example, directly weigh lost expertise against opportunities for promotion, and use complete, controlled sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is presented with relevant arguments on both sides, but most points are briefly asserted, overgeneralised, or insufficiently reconciled with the final judgement.
Explain why planned retirement at 55 creates more benefit than harm and address how companies could retain or transfer senior employees’ expertise.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument has a recognisable progression from benefits to a counterview and conclusion, but it is one dense paragraph with mechanical sequencing and several fragmentary examples.
Use separate paragraphs for the case for retirement and the value of experience, then compare them explicitly before concluding.
Lexical Resource
Some relevant employment vocabulary is used, but frequent inaccurate combinations such as “retirement services,” “labour work,” “extend their services,” and “community survival” weaken precision.
Prefer conventional terms such as “retirement schemes,” “manual work,” “remain in their roles,” “institutional knowledge,” and “business continuity.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Frequent agreement, article, plural, comparison, reference, and sentence-boundary errors reduce fluency and sometimes strain meaning.
Eliminate fragments beginning with “Just as” and “Such as,” and practise complete forms such as “young employees work faster” and “older employees contribute.”
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Companies should encourage employees who work in a high position to leave at the age of 55 in order to give opportunities to the new generation. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.