Companies should encourage employees who work in a high position to leave at the age of 55 in order to give opportunities to the new generation. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Sample Response
Nowadays, many organisations are still dominating by older employees. Some managers are ages 50s and above and still managing big companies even they feel some health problems. For this instance, other people believe that companies should require employees who work in a high rank to have early retirement at the age of 55 to give way to the younger generation. In my opinion, I strongly agree that the person with high level in an establishment should give up work at the age of 55 in order to provide opportunities to younger people. Because new generations are more aggressive and brave to try and experiment variety of solutions to problems and discover new projects to contribute to the success of an industry, they always become the de facto for the success of a company. Young people are also more physically fit and less vulnerable to some illnesses, unlike to those who are old. Having a good health in managing business has a significant value in order to be productive and maximise the working hours of an employee. Furthermore, younger people are easy to jive on which is a good characteristic of a leader to promote harmonious relationships in an organisation. However, old manager, although they are very experienced and competent in a running a business, are easily fatigued and cannot handle long time period of work that may result in decrease productions and output. They are also more prone to develop diseases related to age that may interfere and delay meetings and transactions. Moreover, their decision making is also old fashioned and they are afraid to discover something new and stick only in one baseline which may decline the improvement and popularity of a company. In conclusion, institutions should urge people who work at a high level to stop working at the age of 55 in order to give the chance to the succeeding generation.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix passive form Original: dominating Suggested revision: dominated Why it matters: The passive construction requires the past participle ‘dominated’.
- 2. Express age correctly Original: are ages 50s and above Suggested revision: are in their 50s or older Why it matters: Use ‘in their 50s’ to describe an age range.
- 3. Add concession marker Original: even they feel some health problems Suggested revision: even though they experience some health problems Why it matters: ‘Even though’ is needed to introduce this concessive clause.
- 4. Use logical connector Original: instance Suggested revision: reason Why it matters: ‘For this reason’ correctly links the preceding situation to the stated view.
- 5. Use natural phrasing Original: employees who work in a high rank Suggested revision: employees in high-ranking positions Why it matters: ‘In high-ranking positions’ is the natural expression for senior employees.
- 6. Use verb form Original: to have early retirement Suggested revision: to retire early Why it matters: The infinitive verb phrase is more grammatical and direct here.
- 7. Fix noun phrase Original: the person with high level Suggested revision: a person at a high level Why it matters: The phrase needs an indefinite article and the preposition ‘at’.
- 8. Remove wrong preposition Original: unlike to those who are old Suggested revision: unlike older people Why it matters: ‘Unlike’ takes a direct noun phrase without ‘to’.
- 9. Remove incorrect article Original: Having a good health Suggested revision: Being in good health Why it matters: ‘Health’ is uncountable in this expression and does not take ‘a’.
- 10. Clarify circumstance Original: in managing business Suggested revision: when managing a business Why it matters: This phrasing clearly expresses the situation and supplies the needed article.
- 11. Use concise wording Original: has a significant value Suggested revision: is highly valuable Why it matters: ‘Is highly valuable’ is the natural collocation for expressing importance.
- 12. Fix number agreement Original: old manager Suggested revision: older managers Why it matters: The plural pronoun and verbs that follow require a plural noun.
Suggested Rewrites
- dominating dominated
- are ages 50s and above are in their 50s or older
- even they feel some health problems even though they experience some health problems
- instance reason
- employees who work in a high rank employees in high-ranking positions
- to have early retirement to retire early
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response maintains a clear position and offers several relevant reasons concerning younger and older managers. Its main limitation is that these points remain broad and sometimes stereotypical, while frequent awkward wording and grammatical errors reduce precision despite generally clear meaning. The highest priority is to develop fewer arguments with specific explanation or examples, then edit sentence structures and word choices for accuracy.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear agreement is sustained and supported by relevant reasons, but the ideas are broad and only partly developed.
Develop two central reasons in depth with specific explanations or realistic examples instead of adding several general claims.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a broadly logical sequence, although the single-block structure and mechanical linking weaken organisation.
Divide the response into purposeful paragraphs and use clearer internal progression rather than relying heavily on linking words.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a reasonable range of vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices reduce naturalness and precision.
Prioritise accurate common combinations such as senior managers, reduced productivity, and adapt easily before using less familiar expressions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mixture of simple and complex structures communicates the main meaning, but recurring agreement, article, preposition, and sentence-formation errors remain evident.
Proofread each sentence for subject-verb agreement, articles, plural forms, and complete clause structure.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Companies should encourage employees who work in a high position to leave at the age of 55 in order to give opportunities to the new generation. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.